Well, tomorrow is the day. I can easily say that my nerves are definitely kicking in now. I am overwhelmed by what I'm about to go through to the point I might cry. I'm no where close to leaning toward changing my mind but wow, all the emotions are hitting me. I've got my hospital bag packed and Violet's stuff is together to bring her to a friend's in the morning.
I don't have much to say. I'm basically in quiet reflection. It's not even so much the major surgery, as the knowledge that my life will change very shortly. As miserable as it is, I'm used to it...and now I have to readjust and get used to something else. In 24 hours from now I will be in recovery, and will wake up. My new reality for a few months will be with an ostomy and I can't predict how I will feel once I have it. I can't predict if people will judge me or treat me differently. I can't predict how my body image will change or how it will impact my self esteem. Those things scare me. When Daughter #1 sees me I'll be different and I hope it doesn't make her nervous. When Hubs sees me I'll be like FrankenLisa and I hope he doesn't think it's gross. I don't know. So many things going on in my head. I'm going to end now. Next post will be post OP. Yikes. Wish me luck.
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Hi Lisa, I came across the link for your blog on Facebook and couldn't help but take a peek. I see you are getting ready for a colectomy. I had mine done 22 years ago when I was 8 yrs old (I was apparently "the worst case they'd seen in a child" up to that point). And I admit I don't completely recall what I was thinking at that point in 1990 but I definitely understand your nerves. Maybe it was easier when I was little, then again maybe it would have been easier when I was more mature. I was put back together the summer of 1991 and it's been an interesting ride ever since.
ReplyDeleteKeep strong,
Bec
(rnmacp82@gmail.com)
if you have any questions, or just wanna chat with a veteran :)
Wow- you were young! Maybe sometimes that is easier. All I know is after the hospitalizations and the pain and weight loss and meds, surgery didn't scare me a bit. Thanks for reading!
DeleteLisa-
ReplyDeleteYou are strong and will always be beautiful. I am rooting for you over here. Anyone who reacts negatively to you is an ignorant idiot-- I won't get on a soap box- just wanted to tell you you are amazing and that I'm thinking of you and your family! xoxox
Oh and this is Tara-- I clicked publesh as google accoutn and I mustve started a blog called hahahha-- Im not sure what that says about me or my life... :)
DeleteLove you girl! Thank you!!!
DeleteHey Lisa, praying for you and wishing the best for you today and during your recovery! Surgery is a big step and changes things, but I hope your "new normal" will be better than life with UC! I know you'll do great!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so, so much!!
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