To my OBGYN with love.

Yeah.... considering how much time I spend at the doctors/hospitals etc... you would think I would just be miserable at the thought of having to go to the gyno. Not so much. My doc is AMAZING. I moved to Texas three years ago and I had two concerns; finding a salon and finding a gyno. Well, I just picked a practice. The first two times in I saw the NP who was nice. On a fluke I ended up with my current doctor because I had to reschedule. I am so happy that happened. Given all my IBD issues I was so ecstatic to have found someone to be real with. She listens and is real and we have a great doctor/patient relationship. Hubs has baked for her. She was completely on board for any issue that may come up with my IBD, especially during my pregnancy with Daughter #2. If every doctor was like her, the world would be better. She listens. She doesn't talk AT you all arrogant. She really is amazing. I had my first appointment with her post colon eviction. I got to show her the pics of my colon. She couldn't believe how awful it looked and more so, that once it came out I felt like a different person. She is one doctor I don't mind scheduling. She had left the practice I originally met her at and I followed her to her new one. Secretly, I think she likes me because I delivered Daughter #2 in only 7 minutes. :) Seriously. She came up the elevator right at 5 and VIP showed up at 507p. Nice. I guess the point of my post is to tell people to find doctors you can talk to. Who listen. Who talk to you, not at you. I've had more practice than a lot of people, but I can now say I'm surrounded by doctors that I never hold back from. The more you are surrounded by white coats, the more your filter comes off. I can say whatever I need to, ask embarrassing stuff, say embarrassing things and be totally ok with it. And the needles stopped freaking me out. Finally. Before all my UC started I never needed a doctor. I did my routine gyno trip and that's it. I'm getting closer to returning to that person. I can't wait for that day and I'm happy I have a rockstar gyno to do the honors!
****PSA- get regular pap smears girls. Check your tatas. A few minutes out of your day could save your life. XOXO

Yeah.... considering how much time I spend at the doctors/hospitals etc... you would think I would just be miserable at the thought of having to go to the gyno. Not so much. My doc is AMAZING. I moved to Texas three years ago and I had two concerns; finding a salon and finding a gyno. Well, I just picked a practice. The first two times in I saw the NP who was nice. On a fluke I ended up with my current doctor because I had to reschedule. I am so happy that happened. Given all my IBD issues I was so ecstatic to have found someone to be real with. She listens and is real and we have a great doctor/patient relationship. Hubs has baked for her. She was completely on board for any issue that may come up with my IBD, especially during my pregnancy with Daughter #2. If every doctor was like her, the world would be better. She listens. She doesn't talk AT you all arrogant. She really is amazing. I had my first appointment with her post colon eviction. I got to show her the pics of my colon. She couldn't believe how awful it looked and more so, that once it came out I felt like a different person. She is one doctor I don't mind scheduling. She had left the practice I originally met her at and I followed her to her new one. Secretly, I think she likes me because I delivered Daughter #2 in only 7 minutes. :) Seriously. She came up the elevator right at 5 and VIP showed up at 507p. Nice. I guess the point of my post is to tell people to find doctors you can talk to. Who listen. Who talk to you, not at you. I've had more practice than a lot of people, but I can now say I'm surrounded by doctors that I never hold back from. The more you are surrounded by white coats, the more your filter comes off. I can say whatever I need to, ask embarrassing stuff, say embarrassing things and be totally ok with it. And the needles stopped freaking me out. Finally. Before all my UC started I never needed a doctor. I did my routine gyno trip and that's it. I'm getting closer to returning to that person. I can't wait for that day and I'm happy I have a rockstar gyno to do the honors!
****PSA- get regular pap smears girls. Check your tatas. A few minutes out of your day could save your life. XOXO

Lucky me.

Please watch this before continuing.


Watch "The Butt Campaign" on YouTube

This video made me cry. Made me realize I am lucky for everything I've gone through. I had a carefree childhood. No chronic pain, bleeding, hospitalizations etc.... These kids deal with so much at ages they should be playing and having fun. Instead, they schedule doctor's appointments and IV infusions. I see my girls in their faces. I hope they never have to go through what I have. I know I will forever be paranoid when they have stomach aches or diarrhea. I know the fear that they will develop symptoms is in the back of my mind. That's why this video hit me. I am lucky I got 31 years of a healthy life before all this UC shit started. There are infants with ostomy bags like I had. Can you imagine your baby needing my surgery, and having an ostomy and a bag on it's sweet little body? Heartbreaking. The first time I saw pictures of that I cried. I am very lucky. Even at my age it's hard to handle but I can tell myself to shut up and suck it up and persevere. These kids who have IBD are so strong. I don't know how they hold themselves together so well and smile! So many days I've been falling apart and there are kids who are smiling and enjoying life. Bravo to them. They are amazing. We need to support IBD research and find a cure for this crap. It ruins lives, it affects babies and kids and adults. The meds have evil side effects. The pain on a daily basis is excruciating. I will continue to talk about my story, unembarrassed and open, so more people will understand. Breast cancer used to be taboo too but now through awareness campaigns and people being open, there is no stigma. That's beautiful. I'd like for IBD to be the same. The pledge connected to this video and this group is to vow to stay verbal, and active in the fight against IBD until a cure is found. Being a complete pain in the butt. I can do that no problem. More ways than one. ;-). I'm on the other side now, thanks to surgery. I used to have UC. My surgeries come with their own issues but it's nothing like it was. I am lucky. I am lucky UC showed up when I was 31. Very lucky.

Please watch this before continuing.


Watch "The Butt Campaign" on YouTube

This video made me cry. Made me realize I am lucky for everything I've gone through. I had a carefree childhood. No chronic pain, bleeding, hospitalizations etc.... These kids deal with so much at ages they should be playing and having fun. Instead, they schedule doctor's appointments and IV infusions. I see my girls in their faces. I hope they never have to go through what I have. I know I will forever be paranoid when they have stomach aches or diarrhea. I know the fear that they will develop symptoms is in the back of my mind. That's why this video hit me. I am lucky I got 31 years of a healthy life before all this UC shit started. There are infants with ostomy bags like I had. Can you imagine your baby needing my surgery, and having an ostomy and a bag on it's sweet little body? Heartbreaking. The first time I saw pictures of that I cried. I am very lucky. Even at my age it's hard to handle but I can tell myself to shut up and suck it up and persevere. These kids who have IBD are so strong. I don't know how they hold themselves together so well and smile! So many days I've been falling apart and there are kids who are smiling and enjoying life. Bravo to them. They are amazing. We need to support IBD research and find a cure for this crap. It ruins lives, it affects babies and kids and adults. The meds have evil side effects. The pain on a daily basis is excruciating. I will continue to talk about my story, unembarrassed and open, so more people will understand. Breast cancer used to be taboo too but now through awareness campaigns and people being open, there is no stigma. That's beautiful. I'd like for IBD to be the same. The pledge connected to this video and this group is to vow to stay verbal, and active in the fight against IBD until a cure is found. Being a complete pain in the butt. I can do that no problem. More ways than one. ;-). I'm on the other side now, thanks to surgery. I used to have UC. My surgeries come with their own issues but it's nothing like it was. I am lucky. I am lucky UC showed up when I was 31. Very lucky.

What a difference a year makes!!

Well hello out there internet land. it's been a bit since I've written so that could mean I feel fantastic or like total shit... it's been a little bit of both. I still wake up feeling absolutely liberated not having a rotting colon, and not having a bag 'o poo adhered to my torso. On the flip side, still dealing with pain that comes with rearranging my internal organs. First, a little factoid. The average person, from the moment of ingestion to elimination is anywhere from 18-48 hours depending on water and fiber intake. Your food leaves your stomach within 30 minutes and heads to the small bowel. The small bowel is not storage. In roughly 3-4 hours it sucks up the nutrients from the food and moves it into your colon. The colon absorbs water and electrolytes and anything left worth using and stores it until you have to go #2. Well, I don't have the colon anymore. So...after about 4-6 hours my food is gone. Sometimes that is very annoying. It can cause a bit more frequency than I'd like, but anything beats going 20-30 times a day, in pain, like I was before surgery. This leads to another factoid that I may have mentioned in the past. Your small bowel can not remove stomach acid from your waste. It never will. That's part of your colon's job, which I no longer have. To sum up- frequency + highly acidic poo = pain, misery and adult diaper rash. =( Still, I wouldn't go back. Life sucked pretty bad when I prefer a diaper rash. CRAZY.
I've started keeping a journal of when and what I eat, and subsequently, when I hit the throne. Wow- just reread that last part. I have seriously opened the flood gates into what should be the most hidden moments and details of what I'm dealing with and here I am sending it into the internet.

Here's me and my baby girl a few days ago when she turned 15 months. Happy I can spend time, run around and feeling so much better!!! =)

Here's a pretty recent pic of the FrankenBelly. Not as bad as I ever would have thought, but a lot of scar tissue that tends to give me pain if I move a certain way, or quickly. Yoga will not be possible for a bit. Just stretching in the morning hurts. Hoping it will slowly subside.

I've been using some scar fading stuff but not religiously. I'm obviously not too concerned. If it starts to fade as the vertical one did it won't be a big deal. It is very recessed though. Sunken in and weird. Everyone says it's look like a gunshot scar. I think my story is WAY better than a getting shot or knifed. I'll stick with the story about how I kicked UC's ass to the curb!! BOOM!

Had Halloween yesterday. It was so LOVELY to just stroll around the neighborhood, no urgency, with Dillan. The temps dropping brought us in, NOT MY GUTS!!!! That's a big deal. EVERY SINGLE moment, event, and day was impacted by my UC. Seriously it is as though the binds are gone. I was walking last night and pushing Violet thinking about how a year ago life was so different. I was ballooned from Prednisone. I hurt all over. My stepson B took Daughter #1 around because I wouldn't have lasted a block. This year I could have gone for hours. It was great. So liberating. A bonus---We have WAY too much candy left. It's going to be a food group for a while. My kids are damn cute!

I did full blown makeup to be a bearded lady... here's a before and an after----->

It was hard smiling in that thing. It was either Bearded lady or a Pig in a Blanket and it ended up being too warm to walk around wrapped in a blanket. I'm still not used to warm weather at Halloween. I subconsciously think I need the thermals under my costume!!
Here's me last year. I didn't even want my picture taken because the moon face was so bad and I was so ugly. I don't even recognize myself. How horrible that drug is. I think I packed on almost 40lbs too. I should have just put a bag over my fat head!!! =) And can you tell green is my favorite color. That's weird.

I have been thinking lately I want to do more in striving for IBD, ostomy and Pouch awareness. I don't know where to start. I think I'll contact my local CCFA. I really want to be out there as an advocate with my story and experience and make what we deal with and how it affects our lives a bit more center stage. It struck me the other day when I called my SSDI(Social Security Disability Insurance) attorney to update my file with my second surgery and how my meds changed and the woman at the office who I passed the message to said, "I'd ask what an Ostomy reversal is, but first I need to know what an ostomy is." It just took me aback. Is this stuff really that below the radar?? It shouldn't be. We are not that few and far between!!! Hello!!!! We all need to talk and get it out there. I'm sure at some point people were embarrassed to talk about breast cancer but now, there isn't one person who hasn't heard of breast cancer. And yet, they still spend millions every year on 'awareness'. Everyone is aware... in terms of that..it's time to just shift that money to research and treatment.
With IBD, there is little 'awareness'. Little understanding. Meds that rock our worlds and our bodies into worse situations. Other countries are leaping ahead with research and trials with intestinal transplants, fecal transplant etc... I would have been all on board for someone else's guts. Even one foot of colon would have to help right?? Ok, I'm off my soapbox and done contemplating biology and science I have to business contemplating. Have a great November 1st!!! I can not believe this year is winding down. One year ago I was dealing with a horrible flare of which I vowed to stay out of the Big H, extreme joint pain, Remicade infusions that weren't even working, 40mg of Prednisone(down from 70mg), a colonoscopy and CT scan and a cervical cancer scare and surgery to remove aggressive and quickly advancing precancerous cells. Last October and November were ROUGH!!! It just goes to show how much can change in a year. When you think you've hit the bottom, when the world is crumbling, if you just hang on and keep it together, you will look back a year later and amaze yourself at what you can overcome. We are all stronger than we think. We just have to give ourselves the chance to shine! Be well everyone. Thanks for reading. XOXO

Well hello out there internet land. it's been a bit since I've written so that could mean I feel fantastic or like total shit... it's been a little bit of both. I still wake up feeling absolutely liberated not having a rotting colon, and not having a bag 'o poo adhered to my torso. On the flip side, still dealing with pain that comes with rearranging my internal organs. First, a little factoid. The average person, from the moment of ingestion to elimination is anywhere from 18-48 hours depending on water and fiber intake. Your food leaves your stomach within 30 minutes and heads to the small bowel. The small bowel is not storage. In roughly 3-4 hours it sucks up the nutrients from the food and moves it into your colon. The colon absorbs water and electrolytes and anything left worth using and stores it until you have to go #2. Well, I don't have the colon anymore. So...after about 4-6 hours my food is gone. Sometimes that is very annoying. It can cause a bit more frequency than I'd like, but anything beats going 20-30 times a day, in pain, like I was before surgery. This leads to another factoid that I may have mentioned in the past. Your small bowel can not remove stomach acid from your waste. It never will. That's part of your colon's job, which I no longer have. To sum up- frequency + highly acidic poo = pain, misery and adult diaper rash. =( Still, I wouldn't go back. Life sucked pretty bad when I prefer a diaper rash. CRAZY.
I've started keeping a journal of when and what I eat, and subsequently, when I hit the throne. Wow- just reread that last part. I have seriously opened the flood gates into what should be the most hidden moments and details of what I'm dealing with and here I am sending it into the internet.

Here's me and my baby girl a few days ago when she turned 15 months. Happy I can spend time, run around and feeling so much better!!! =)

Here's a pretty recent pic of the FrankenBelly. Not as bad as I ever would have thought, but a lot of scar tissue that tends to give me pain if I move a certain way, or quickly. Yoga will not be possible for a bit. Just stretching in the morning hurts. Hoping it will slowly subside.

I've been using some scar fading stuff but not religiously. I'm obviously not too concerned. If it starts to fade as the vertical one did it won't be a big deal. It is very recessed though. Sunken in and weird. Everyone says it's look like a gunshot scar. I think my story is WAY better than a getting shot or knifed. I'll stick with the story about how I kicked UC's ass to the curb!! BOOM!

Had Halloween yesterday. It was so LOVELY to just stroll around the neighborhood, no urgency, with Dillan. The temps dropping brought us in, NOT MY GUTS!!!! That's a big deal. EVERY SINGLE moment, event, and day was impacted by my UC. Seriously it is as though the binds are gone. I was walking last night and pushing Violet thinking about how a year ago life was so different. I was ballooned from Prednisone. I hurt all over. My stepson B took Daughter #1 around because I wouldn't have lasted a block. This year I could have gone for hours. It was great. So liberating. A bonus---We have WAY too much candy left. It's going to be a food group for a while. My kids are damn cute!

I did full blown makeup to be a bearded lady... here's a before and an after----->

It was hard smiling in that thing. It was either Bearded lady or a Pig in a Blanket and it ended up being too warm to walk around wrapped in a blanket. I'm still not used to warm weather at Halloween. I subconsciously think I need the thermals under my costume!!
Here's me last year. I didn't even want my picture taken because the moon face was so bad and I was so ugly. I don't even recognize myself. How horrible that drug is. I think I packed on almost 40lbs too. I should have just put a bag over my fat head!!! =) And can you tell green is my favorite color. That's weird.

I have been thinking lately I want to do more in striving for IBD, ostomy and Pouch awareness. I don't know where to start. I think I'll contact my local CCFA. I really want to be out there as an advocate with my story and experience and make what we deal with and how it affects our lives a bit more center stage. It struck me the other day when I called my SSDI(Social Security Disability Insurance) attorney to update my file with my second surgery and how my meds changed and the woman at the office who I passed the message to said, "I'd ask what an Ostomy reversal is, but first I need to know what an ostomy is." It just took me aback. Is this stuff really that below the radar?? It shouldn't be. We are not that few and far between!!! Hello!!!! We all need to talk and get it out there. I'm sure at some point people were embarrassed to talk about breast cancer but now, there isn't one person who hasn't heard of breast cancer. And yet, they still spend millions every year on 'awareness'. Everyone is aware... in terms of that..it's time to just shift that money to research and treatment.
With IBD, there is little 'awareness'. Little understanding. Meds that rock our worlds and our bodies into worse situations. Other countries are leaping ahead with research and trials with intestinal transplants, fecal transplant etc... I would have been all on board for someone else's guts. Even one foot of colon would have to help right?? Ok, I'm off my soapbox and done contemplating biology and science I have to business contemplating. Have a great November 1st!!! I can not believe this year is winding down. One year ago I was dealing with a horrible flare of which I vowed to stay out of the Big H, extreme joint pain, Remicade infusions that weren't even working, 40mg of Prednisone(down from 70mg), a colonoscopy and CT scan and a cervical cancer scare and surgery to remove aggressive and quickly advancing precancerous cells. Last October and November were ROUGH!!! It just goes to show how much can change in a year. When you think you've hit the bottom, when the world is crumbling, if you just hang on and keep it together, you will look back a year later and amaze yourself at what you can overcome. We are all stronger than we think. We just have to give ourselves the chance to shine! Be well everyone. Thanks for reading. XOXO

My trip to the 716...

I can not believe I didn't blog about my trip in NY!!!
Wow- I must be losing it. Or lost it already. Whatever.
I had a really great time. NO issues with the TSA. I even put out a challenge by wearing my 'Ask me about my Ostomy' tshirt.

Nothing. Hmmmm..it was definitely a positive way to start the trip.
I was so worried about having issues with a body scanner or whatever and I didn't go through one at all. I don't think. Hmmm.. I was pretty distracted with all my gear, the stroller, Violet, taking shoes off etc... that I guess I didn't notice. I tend to get way worked up about stuff and then find out it was overkill. I guess I'd rather plan for the worst than get blindsided.
I spent most of my time with family. Saw my Gram a lot and her party was so much fun. I spent way too much time gabbing with people I hadn't seen and  didn't get in enough pics or take enough pics and I'm kicking myself. I tend to do that sometimes. I need to learn to shut up.
I made sure to get Tim Horton's coffee daily, I ate a lot of kick ass pizza that I am already craving, and had homemade sauce and meatballs three different days!!! Can't beat that.
My kids had a ball, especially Dillan. She was loving every minute with my female teenage cousins. She's ready to be 16 and it's scary. She loved her time with Sarina, Miranda and Alissa.
It was a really great time. I was really sad to leave everyone. I grew up really close with my cousins Toni and Marisa.The two of them and my sister and me were all the same ages and spent a lot of time together. Went to the same high school.  Your cousins are your first friends... glad I have them and we are still relatively close even living far away.
I was there 6 days which always seems like a lot until you are trying to fit people in, and go do this, see this etc... I probably needed ten. I had so much time until I had none. There were some people I didn't get much time with as schedules are crazy. Ten days may work a bit better next time.
I got to spend the day with my best friend on her birthday with all our girls. We had a fun outing at a pumpkin farm where chaos ensued as it always does with us. Then we tortured the diners at my favorite Greek restaurant with us and our five girls. Hahahaha.... I love seeing Dillan with Janelle's oldest Jillian. They are a year apart and are us. Seriously. They haven't seen each other in two years and were off together in 5 minutes like they were never apart. I absolutely love it!! It's those moments I miss and wish I could get back there more. It's just such a financial fee to fly my two kids and me to Buffalo. And then I need a rental car. I need to worry about who has the room to board us. I hate feeling like I am inconveniencing anyone. It was really great staying at my Aunt's though. She was wonderful and I had a great time talking and spending time with her.
I could never imagine living back there though. I can't handle the cold anymore. It is so beautiful in the fall so I'm glad we went when we did. I'm going to try to plan something maybe for the summer. I love my family, and miss them. It's important to me that my kids has time with them and have them in their lives even if we are 1500 miles away!
Violet was perfect on the flight home. Traveling with the girls by myself was a lot easier that I imagined. It helped that we had an empty seat with us the whole way back so Miss VIP got her own seat to sit in. Worked out perfectly!!
The ostomy was pretty well behaved. Weird that I no longer have it. All the Italian food made my nights a bit uncomfortable as those damn acidic tomatoes had me up a few times a night. I shared a room with the girls and OMG I barely slept. Violet snores, and Dillan talks in her her sleep. That meant I was a tired, hag every single day I was there. By the time I got back and went into the hospital the next day, I was ready for a nap!!
I think I finally finished laundry and unpacking from the trip a few days ago. Between going in the hospital the day after we returned and then recovery, I realized it had been a while since we got back and I never even blogged about it! Here are some pics. Missing everyone already!
XOXO

 My girls having pizza down my the river in Lewiston.

 My girls and me with my cousins and my Gramma at her party. Missing my sister.

 The girls on the plane on the way back to Dallas. Southwest was so good to us.

 At the pumpkin patch. Love fall in WNY.

My cousins Toni, Marisa, Dom and me. Miss these hang outs.

I can not believe I didn't blog about my trip in NY!!!
Wow- I must be losing it. Or lost it already. Whatever.
I had a really great time. NO issues with the TSA. I even put out a challenge by wearing my 'Ask me about my Ostomy' tshirt.

Nothing. Hmmmm..it was definitely a positive way to start the trip.
I was so worried about having issues with a body scanner or whatever and I didn't go through one at all. I don't think. Hmmm.. I was pretty distracted with all my gear, the stroller, Violet, taking shoes off etc... that I guess I didn't notice. I tend to get way worked up about stuff and then find out it was overkill. I guess I'd rather plan for the worst than get blindsided.
I spent most of my time with family. Saw my Gram a lot and her party was so much fun. I spent way too much time gabbing with people I hadn't seen and  didn't get in enough pics or take enough pics and I'm kicking myself. I tend to do that sometimes. I need to learn to shut up.
I made sure to get Tim Horton's coffee daily, I ate a lot of kick ass pizza that I am already craving, and had homemade sauce and meatballs three different days!!! Can't beat that.
My kids had a ball, especially Dillan. She was loving every minute with my female teenage cousins. She's ready to be 16 and it's scary. She loved her time with Sarina, Miranda and Alissa.
It was a really great time. I was really sad to leave everyone. I grew up really close with my cousins Toni and Marisa.The two of them and my sister and me were all the same ages and spent a lot of time together. Went to the same high school.  Your cousins are your first friends... glad I have them and we are still relatively close even living far away.
I was there 6 days which always seems like a lot until you are trying to fit people in, and go do this, see this etc... I probably needed ten. I had so much time until I had none. There were some people I didn't get much time with as schedules are crazy. Ten days may work a bit better next time.
I got to spend the day with my best friend on her birthday with all our girls. We had a fun outing at a pumpkin farm where chaos ensued as it always does with us. Then we tortured the diners at my favorite Greek restaurant with us and our five girls. Hahahaha.... I love seeing Dillan with Janelle's oldest Jillian. They are a year apart and are us. Seriously. They haven't seen each other in two years and were off together in 5 minutes like they were never apart. I absolutely love it!! It's those moments I miss and wish I could get back there more. It's just such a financial fee to fly my two kids and me to Buffalo. And then I need a rental car. I need to worry about who has the room to board us. I hate feeling like I am inconveniencing anyone. It was really great staying at my Aunt's though. She was wonderful and I had a great time talking and spending time with her.
I could never imagine living back there though. I can't handle the cold anymore. It is so beautiful in the fall so I'm glad we went when we did. I'm going to try to plan something maybe for the summer. I love my family, and miss them. It's important to me that my kids has time with them and have them in their lives even if we are 1500 miles away!
Violet was perfect on the flight home. Traveling with the girls by myself was a lot easier that I imagined. It helped that we had an empty seat with us the whole way back so Miss VIP got her own seat to sit in. Worked out perfectly!!
The ostomy was pretty well behaved. Weird that I no longer have it. All the Italian food made my nights a bit uncomfortable as those damn acidic tomatoes had me up a few times a night. I shared a room with the girls and OMG I barely slept. Violet snores, and Dillan talks in her her sleep. That meant I was a tired, hag every single day I was there. By the time I got back and went into the hospital the next day, I was ready for a nap!!
I think I finally finished laundry and unpacking from the trip a few days ago. Between going in the hospital the day after we returned and then recovery, I realized it had been a while since we got back and I never even blogged about it! Here are some pics. Missing everyone already!
XOXO

 My girls having pizza down my the river in Lewiston.

 My girls and me with my cousins and my Gramma at her party. Missing my sister.

 The girls on the plane on the way back to Dallas. Southwest was so good to us.

 At the pumpkin patch. Love fall in WNY.

My cousins Toni, Marisa, Dom and me. Miss these hang outs.

Pain with a capital P.

I just wanted an easy transition. Not getting it. The surgical pain has been nothing. The intestinal pain on the other hand has been intense. The majority of my small bowel wasn't used for months. Now, it is not happy to be put back to work. I am in pain. I can not describe the internal/maybe rectal? pain that occurs when something starts moving into that area. It paralyzes me for a few moments. So intense I feel like I may have an accident. Then is passes like it never happened. I can only assume that feeling is waste entering the newly formed pouch. I am still trying to figure out how things feel. Having to go #2 feels completely different now that I'm using different body parts to do it. So, trying to discern what is just intestinal pain vs the urge to go has been a challenge this last week. I end up hanging out in the shitter because I don't know if I'm in pain, or if I have to go. So obnoxious.
For those who are unfamiliar with the Jpouch, here's an image of what my insides basically look like now after all the surgeries are done.

I have to keep reminding myself that it generally takes up to a year for the Jpouch and system to adapt and become somewhat normal. I'm only 11 days post OP. Everything is a very slow adjustment process. My small intestine needs to start absorbing more water so my 'output' is more solid. Yeah, there's a nice visual. HOT!!
I'm completely out of my mind thinking I should be able to pick up my crazy life and run with it. It hurts to sit sometimes. 11 days is nothing. I need to snap out of it. I almost look normal, so I want to feel normal. Patience is not my strongest quality. It might not even be a quality I have.
 Here's pic from today of FrankenBelly. It looks so gross.

It's so scabby and itchy and it actually is very uncomfortable. Hopefully my wound care nurse can pop them out tomorrow. They are now to the point where it hurts because my body wants them gone. Ewwww.. and I'm totally a scab picker so you have no idea what kind of will power it is taking for me not to go after this thing. A lot. Tons. It's ridiculous how bad I want to pick at it.
So, I'm plugging away. There's a ton of stuff I want to do to this house that I haven't been able to because I've been sick for 100 years. Slowly putting my ideas to work so right now that is keeping me motivated. All my ideas cost money though, of which I am officially running out of all the cash I had stashed away. Looking at my bank account brings back the thoughts of now what and wondering what the hell I'm good at and where to go from here. So, I'll stop thinking about it for now. It gets me really upset. How am I 35 and feel so lost out of nowhere? Ok- I'm done.
New entryway wall unit soon, new paint for the downstairs bathroom and I plan on painting our island in the kitchen to change things up a bit. Fun stuff. I'll start buying the Lotto tickets anytime. I think Lotto winner sounds like a perfectly acceptable career!
Have a great day everyone.
XO

I just wanted an easy transition. Not getting it. The surgical pain has been nothing. The intestinal pain on the other hand has been intense. The majority of my small bowel wasn't used for months. Now, it is not happy to be put back to work. I am in pain. I can not describe the internal/maybe rectal? pain that occurs when something starts moving into that area. It paralyzes me for a few moments. So intense I feel like I may have an accident. Then is passes like it never happened. I can only assume that feeling is waste entering the newly formed pouch. I am still trying to figure out how things feel. Having to go #2 feels completely different now that I'm using different body parts to do it. So, trying to discern what is just intestinal pain vs the urge to go has been a challenge this last week. I end up hanging out in the shitter because I don't know if I'm in pain, or if I have to go. So obnoxious.
For those who are unfamiliar with the Jpouch, here's an image of what my insides basically look like now after all the surgeries are done.

I have to keep reminding myself that it generally takes up to a year for the Jpouch and system to adapt and become somewhat normal. I'm only 11 days post OP. Everything is a very slow adjustment process. My small intestine needs to start absorbing more water so my 'output' is more solid. Yeah, there's a nice visual. HOT!!
I'm completely out of my mind thinking I should be able to pick up my crazy life and run with it. It hurts to sit sometimes. 11 days is nothing. I need to snap out of it. I almost look normal, so I want to feel normal. Patience is not my strongest quality. It might not even be a quality I have.
 Here's pic from today of FrankenBelly. It looks so gross.

It's so scabby and itchy and it actually is very uncomfortable. Hopefully my wound care nurse can pop them out tomorrow. They are now to the point where it hurts because my body wants them gone. Ewwww.. and I'm totally a scab picker so you have no idea what kind of will power it is taking for me not to go after this thing. A lot. Tons. It's ridiculous how bad I want to pick at it.
So, I'm plugging away. There's a ton of stuff I want to do to this house that I haven't been able to because I've been sick for 100 years. Slowly putting my ideas to work so right now that is keeping me motivated. All my ideas cost money though, of which I am officially running out of all the cash I had stashed away. Looking at my bank account brings back the thoughts of now what and wondering what the hell I'm good at and where to go from here. So, I'll stop thinking about it for now. It gets me really upset. How am I 35 and feel so lost out of nowhere? Ok- I'm done.
New entryway wall unit soon, new paint for the downstairs bathroom and I plan on painting our island in the kitchen to change things up a bit. Fun stuff. I'll start buying the Lotto tickets anytime. I think Lotto winner sounds like a perfectly acceptable career!
Have a great day everyone.
XO

1 week down.... Now what?

Well, well... Here we are. So much was leading up to this. Anticipation, fear, excitement, anxiety... it was all rather anticlimactic in the end. Truly. I am so happy I have gone through it all, but I guess to put it simply, pooping again is just really nothing to jump for joy about! ;-) I am neither overly excited or relieved. Life just is... in a small way it is like I just got back on the highway after being on a really shitty rural detour for a few years. I guess I was expecting some mental fanfare or elation. Nothing. Woke up, stoma gone. Ok. Moving on.

Discharge day!!! ------->> Time to carry on....

I am one week post OP from my ileostomy reversal. It was a piece of cake. Honestly. After the pain and recovery from the colectomy, this was a breeze. The hardest part this past week was not eating for over 4 days in the hospital and the migraines and nausea it caused. Throwing up with nothing but a popsicle in your body in 4 days hurts. Bad. And all that abdominal contracting from throwing up made my incision and former stoma site hurt more than ever. I don't know how many of you have gone multiple days without eating or drinking but it is horrible. I've done it multiple times now. I ate Tuesday afternoon and got a popsicle on Friday evening. Not even ice chips in between. Torture. Then, I didn't eat actual food of substance (mashed potatoes, chicken noodle soup- the dreaded Low Res Diet) until Sunday. Seriously having GI issues and surgery is the worst for that stuff. They starve you. You go nuts. Luckily, those IV fluids kept me alive!!
Aside from that (NBD), the hospital stay was easy. The floor was quiet, I didn't have any nurse drama and didn't have to report anyone for not giving me my pain meds! SUCCESS!!!! I have 6 staples in my FrankenBelly. They are already itching like MAD!!! The pain has been tolerable. They gave me 10mg Norco and said to take 2 every 4-6 hours but I would be drooling on myself. I'm taking 5 every few hours and it is completely enough. I do have some soreness (not pain) doing that but I'd rather be functional and a little sore. I've had worse so I'll live. Here's some of me the night of surgery. ------>

 Obviously I'm drugged and happy?? Ok... guess I was feeling ok. Happy to be a JPoucher!

By this time, I am way puffy from fluid. Obviously zonked and may be in pain by the telltale canyons between my eyes that are screaming for botox. The oxygen is a good look.


Here's the incision the day after surgery. I laughed when I saw it.

Me, tired the day after ------->>>

As of today I have had some half-caff coffee, some pepsi, iced tea, mashed potatoes and gravy about 6 times, cooked ground turkey once, cooked carrots once, some french fries once, eggs twice, pancakes twice, bread, ice cream once, and a chicken sandwich once. That's been it in a week. I'll spice it up and maybe have macaroni tonight. ;-)
It will be so good that my health issues will no longer be a burden on my family. I'm out of commission and the entire house is crazy. Dillan is not good when I'm in the hospital. Mat stresses doing it all, while trying to work at home. Even during recovery now, I can't lift more than 10lbs so that obviously rules out the munchkin. Well, Mat has commitments that he can't bring a toddler to, and we have to debate leaving her here and what are the chances I'll have to carry her. And NATURALLY her separation anxiety has kicked in full force. She wants to be carried constantly. Nice timing, kid.... Nice.

So now what? That's been my question to myself. Now what. yes, I definitely have some recovering to do still, and adjusting to my brand new digestive system, but if this is as bad as it's going to be then I'm good. So now what? Sick has kinda been my thing. I never defined myself with it, or felt like that was what I was, but it ran my life whether I liked it or now. Now what? Who am I now? I need to get back to work. To get my greater sense of independence back. But what do I do? Go back to doing the unfulfilling thing I did for years just because? Should I have gone through all this just to go back and get another job? I don't wanna(said in whiny 2 year old speak). I still have that mindset of needing to find my direction. Retail companies are not it. It's thankless, and pointless, aside from getting really great product pretty cheap. Not to mention the schedule many times in not conducive to me happily being with my family. It's like I can't go back. Between being sick and getting royally screwed over by the last company who I bent over backwards for, I can't go back. So now what? I don't know. I'm going to take another class this spring and see how it goes. The science I've taken thus far has kicked my ass and I know how competitive the programs are. I just don't know if my life will allow me the time to be an A biology student. I don't want to set myself up for failure. So we'll see. Time away from my kids has to be worthwhile, fulfilling and productive. Being sick definitely taught me not to sit around and let days go by not living life. At the same time, I don't want to be in denial about what is possible and what I'm capable of. I'm a realist like that.
I don't know. I feel a kind of let down. A little lost. Experiences and time change you and you can't fit yourself back into the mold of your former self. I tend to think that's a good thing, but in some instances it can be frustrating. What would have once worked for me, doesn't now. It is almost a last resort to what clearly is a different expectation.
Now what? I'll let you know when I figure it out. In the meantime I'll be updating you on my recovery! I may venture out for a drive on my own today. We'll see.
Thanks for reading. XO

Well, well... Here we are. So much was leading up to this. Anticipation, fear, excitement, anxiety... it was all rather anticlimactic in the end. Truly. I am so happy I have gone through it all, but I guess to put it simply, pooping again is just really nothing to jump for joy about! ;-) I am neither overly excited or relieved. Life just is... in a small way it is like I just got back on the highway after being on a really shitty rural detour for a few years. I guess I was expecting some mental fanfare or elation. Nothing. Woke up, stoma gone. Ok. Moving on.

Discharge day!!! ------->> Time to carry on....

I am one week post OP from my ileostomy reversal. It was a piece of cake. Honestly. After the pain and recovery from the colectomy, this was a breeze. The hardest part this past week was not eating for over 4 days in the hospital and the migraines and nausea it caused. Throwing up with nothing but a popsicle in your body in 4 days hurts. Bad. And all that abdominal contracting from throwing up made my incision and former stoma site hurt more than ever. I don't know how many of you have gone multiple days without eating or drinking but it is horrible. I've done it multiple times now. I ate Tuesday afternoon and got a popsicle on Friday evening. Not even ice chips in between. Torture. Then, I didn't eat actual food of substance (mashed potatoes, chicken noodle soup- the dreaded Low Res Diet) until Sunday. Seriously having GI issues and surgery is the worst for that stuff. They starve you. You go nuts. Luckily, those IV fluids kept me alive!!
Aside from that (NBD), the hospital stay was easy. The floor was quiet, I didn't have any nurse drama and didn't have to report anyone for not giving me my pain meds! SUCCESS!!!! I have 6 staples in my FrankenBelly. They are already itching like MAD!!! The pain has been tolerable. They gave me 10mg Norco and said to take 2 every 4-6 hours but I would be drooling on myself. I'm taking 5 every few hours and it is completely enough. I do have some soreness (not pain) doing that but I'd rather be functional and a little sore. I've had worse so I'll live. Here's some of me the night of surgery. ------>

 Obviously I'm drugged and happy?? Ok... guess I was feeling ok. Happy to be a JPoucher!

By this time, I am way puffy from fluid. Obviously zonked and may be in pain by the telltale canyons between my eyes that are screaming for botox. The oxygen is a good look.


Here's the incision the day after surgery. I laughed when I saw it.

Me, tired the day after ------->>>

As of today I have had some half-caff coffee, some pepsi, iced tea, mashed potatoes and gravy about 6 times, cooked ground turkey once, cooked carrots once, some french fries once, eggs twice, pancakes twice, bread, ice cream once, and a chicken sandwich once. That's been it in a week. I'll spice it up and maybe have macaroni tonight. ;-)
It will be so good that my health issues will no longer be a burden on my family. I'm out of commission and the entire house is crazy. Dillan is not good when I'm in the hospital. Mat stresses doing it all, while trying to work at home. Even during recovery now, I can't lift more than 10lbs so that obviously rules out the munchkin. Well, Mat has commitments that he can't bring a toddler to, and we have to debate leaving her here and what are the chances I'll have to carry her. And NATURALLY her separation anxiety has kicked in full force. She wants to be carried constantly. Nice timing, kid.... Nice.

So now what? That's been my question to myself. Now what. yes, I definitely have some recovering to do still, and adjusting to my brand new digestive system, but if this is as bad as it's going to be then I'm good. So now what? Sick has kinda been my thing. I never defined myself with it, or felt like that was what I was, but it ran my life whether I liked it or now. Now what? Who am I now? I need to get back to work. To get my greater sense of independence back. But what do I do? Go back to doing the unfulfilling thing I did for years just because? Should I have gone through all this just to go back and get another job? I don't wanna(said in whiny 2 year old speak). I still have that mindset of needing to find my direction. Retail companies are not it. It's thankless, and pointless, aside from getting really great product pretty cheap. Not to mention the schedule many times in not conducive to me happily being with my family. It's like I can't go back. Between being sick and getting royally screwed over by the last company who I bent over backwards for, I can't go back. So now what? I don't know. I'm going to take another class this spring and see how it goes. The science I've taken thus far has kicked my ass and I know how competitive the programs are. I just don't know if my life will allow me the time to be an A biology student. I don't want to set myself up for failure. So we'll see. Time away from my kids has to be worthwhile, fulfilling and productive. Being sick definitely taught me not to sit around and let days go by not living life. At the same time, I don't want to be in denial about what is possible and what I'm capable of. I'm a realist like that.
I don't know. I feel a kind of let down. A little lost. Experiences and time change you and you can't fit yourself back into the mold of your former self. I tend to think that's a good thing, but in some instances it can be frustrating. What would have once worked for me, doesn't now. It is almost a last resort to what clearly is a different expectation.
Now what? I'll let you know when I figure it out. In the meantime I'll be updating you on my recovery! I may venture out for a drive on my own today. We'll see.
Thanks for reading. XO

Reflection

<p>In less than 3 hours I'll be checking into the hospital again! I'm just laying here reflecting on everything that's gone on. Wondering what to do with all these ostomy supplies. I'm kind of feeling a little out of body... I can't believe it's almost done. I can't believe I'll be pooping again! Oh man!! I feel so normal with my stoma now and in a few hours SS will be gone. I feel like I'm getting on another roller coaster of unknowns. I definitely feel bittersweet about today. Excited about some closure and the end of this journey but anxious that this could open another round of issues. It's always possible. Hopefully not but you never know. I'm going to pack my bag and get ready to go.
I'm not scared. I don't understand that fear. I have more fear about it not being over. Hoping this is it. FrankenBelly is getting the hook up today. Pics and updates to follow! Have a great day everyone! Catch ya on the flipside.....guts intact!! Gutsy broad is ready to do this!

<p>In less than 3 hours I'll be checking into the hospital again! I'm just laying here reflecting on everything that's gone on. Wondering what to do with all these ostomy supplies. I'm kind of feeling a little out of body... I can't believe it's almost done. I can't believe I'll be pooping again! Oh man!! I feel so normal with my stoma now and in a few hours SS will be gone. I feel like I'm getting on another roller coaster of unknowns. I definitely feel bittersweet about today. Excited about some closure and the end of this journey but anxious that this could open another round of issues. It's always possible. Hopefully not but you never know. I'm going to pack my bag and get ready to go.
I'm not scared. I don't understand that fear. I have more fear about it not being over. Hoping this is it. FrankenBelly is getting the hook up today. Pics and updates to follow! Have a great day everyone! Catch ya on the flipside.....guts intact!! Gutsy broad is ready to do this!