Sleep deprivation and the accompanied fun.

I'm exhausted. I've been exhausted since the summer of 2008. Seriously. Between my divorce, my move and work transfer, the custody battle my ex initiated, my illness, hospitalizations, meds and surgery,  I am a walking tired hag.  I don't mean mentally, although that happens from time to time, just physically exhausted. Where the *thought* of showering is overwhelming. I sleep like hell. My insides always seem to decide that starting at 9/10pm to be obnoxious. That carries through off and on until about 430. So that 7am alarm is brutal. Mentally, and emotionally I want to go back to work. I do. I miss it. Then I think about how I feel 90% of the time and wonder how I can pull that off. My prescription is at the WalMart that sits across the street from my neighborhood. I can't even get my act together to get it. So I'm suffering with spasms. Bad. I don't know the last time I slept through the night. I don't even want 8 hours. A solid 5 would be a dream. I've tried Ambien and I fall asleep like a dream. Too bad it's not strong enough to override my guts. It's not fun stumbling in the dark, half asleep on Ambien, trying to get to the bathroom. And trying not to wake Hubs up in the process. Ugh- I could scream. I will waste the day on the couch or in bed, dozing on and off. Today is the perfect example. I felt queasy all night. Finally went into a sleep maybe around 2. Up at 330a. Alarm at 7a to get DD #1 out the door. I was back in bed by 730a. Slept until after 10a. Wow... and I'm still tired. The queasiness remains. I'm sicker than usual today. Feeling lightheaded and seeing spots. Sticking with my saltine diet. It's almost 4p and I have no dinner plan. Nothing is defrosted. Even if it was, I would have no ambition to cook it. Somehow I will get it together. I never really know where it comes from or how I do it. Sometimes I look back on my day and I'm either disgusted or in awe of myself. My classes start in 2 weeks. I'm already wondering how I'll do it. And the wonder, is making me even more exhausted. Happy slumbers everyone. Don't ever take a well rested morning for granted. XO

I'm exhausted. I've been exhausted since the summer of 2008. Seriously. Between my divorce, my move and work transfer, the custody battle my ex initiated, my illness, hospitalizations, meds and surgery,  I am a walking tired hag.  I don't mean mentally, although that happens from time to time, just physically exhausted. Where the *thought* of showering is overwhelming. I sleep like hell. My insides always seem to decide that starting at 9/10pm to be obnoxious. That carries through off and on until about 430. So that 7am alarm is brutal. Mentally, and emotionally I want to go back to work. I do. I miss it. Then I think about how I feel 90% of the time and wonder how I can pull that off. My prescription is at the WalMart that sits across the street from my neighborhood. I can't even get my act together to get it. So I'm suffering with spasms. Bad. I don't know the last time I slept through the night. I don't even want 8 hours. A solid 5 would be a dream. I've tried Ambien and I fall asleep like a dream. Too bad it's not strong enough to override my guts. It's not fun stumbling in the dark, half asleep on Ambien, trying to get to the bathroom. And trying not to wake Hubs up in the process. Ugh- I could scream. I will waste the day on the couch or in bed, dozing on and off. Today is the perfect example. I felt queasy all night. Finally went into a sleep maybe around 2. Up at 330a. Alarm at 7a to get DD #1 out the door. I was back in bed by 730a. Slept until after 10a. Wow... and I'm still tired. The queasiness remains. I'm sicker than usual today. Feeling lightheaded and seeing spots. Sticking with my saltine diet. It's almost 4p and I have no dinner plan. Nothing is defrosted. Even if it was, I would have no ambition to cook it. Somehow I will get it together. I never really know where it comes from or how I do it. Sometimes I look back on my day and I'm either disgusted or in awe of myself. My classes start in 2 weeks. I'm already wondering how I'll do it. And the wonder, is making me even more exhausted. Happy slumbers everyone. Don't ever take a well rested morning for granted. XO