curves, swerves, and milestones.

Hey everyone... I have been a bad blog mommy. It has been way too long and it's because I'm back in school and the last few weeks most of my free time has been studying for my A&P exam, practical and writing a lab report. This weekend I need to do some reviewing but I can't make myself pick my book up yet.
Hubs was organizing and getting some of the taxes done earlier today and I had to give him all the miles I had driven for medical reasons. As I was going through the list, todays date from last year popped up and it was the day I had my last Remicade infusion!! It wasn't supposed to be my last but after the debacle the new hospital put me through and how long it took I never rescheduled the one more I should have gotten before I had my colectomy. I survived, even though I took a chance that my flare would get worse and cause issues going into surgery. I just couldn't bring myself to go back another time and pump myself full of chemicals that weren't even doing their job. Not to mention the pneumonia I was fighting (not fighting) to no avail because I had zero immune system from the Remi. Choosing to skip that last infusion was a toss up for me because it meant chancing my flare getting worse, but on the flip side, prolonging my pneumonia and possible postponing my surgery because I couldn't get better. So I decided to give my immune system a go when by March, I still had pneumonia from the end of January and had been on roughly four rounds of antibiotic and two steroid shots. I could not get rid of it and as April approached I was getting really nervous that my colectomy would have to be rescheduled because I couldn't fight stupid pneumonia.
It all worked out in the end after a few more rounds of antibiotic, another steroid shot, a set of chest x rays and two CT scans. I'm pretty sure the outcome would have been different had I bombarded my body with more Remi at the end of April.
Needless to say, I haven't been sick since. Stuffed up a few days here and there but not sick! Finally... after constantly being rundown, feverish, achy, and coughing for a year at a time, I've got nothing even close. AMAZING!! So, I felt the need to write a little something commemorating this first milestone of a few more that will come this year.
School has been crazy, trying to handle it the best I can with everything else that goes on day to day. Every day there's something with kids...there are days I have to choose what to make a priority and obviously it's my kids. I'm not too happy with my first test score but I made the class average so I guess it could be worse. A lot worse.
My 18 month old is basically out of control. Everyday I think she's going to bounce her way out of her crib a la Tigger. It's nuts. No sitting still. Unless she's asleep. And she really doesn't like me studying. She prefers to take my pens and pencils and attempt to make graffiti on my $180 lab book. AWESOME.
Oh and I'm blonde again. So many exciting things. My head's swimming with all the activity around here. =)
I'm really excited that the girls and I are heading to Florida for a few days over spring break.  Daytona bound! Whenever I go back it's like I go home a bit. I loved living down there. I had the best time. I miss the beach. I miss the salt air. I can't wait. It'll be nice. My sister will be going down too and I'll get to meet my little niece. Can't wait. I have roughly two weeks to get my body bikini ready... totally possible, right??!! Right..... ;-) Ok good. I'll start on that tomorrow. Or maybe Monday. We'll see. I don't know. Maybe some self tanner will hide everything. Kinda like photoshop. Sounds perfect.
My oldest turns 8 a week from today. I can't even believe it. Too much to process. An 8 year old. Holy crap. How am I old enough to have an 8 year old??? No birthday plans yet because school has been consuming my life, but as the song says... "Life throws you curves. You learn to swerve". Thanks, Rascal Flatts. That sums up the last few years perfectly.
Have a great weekend everyone. Thanks for reading. XO

Hey everyone... I have been a bad blog mommy. It has been way too long and it's because I'm back in school and the last few weeks most of my free time has been studying for my A&P exam, practical and writing a lab report. This weekend I need to do some reviewing but I can't make myself pick my book up yet.
Hubs was organizing and getting some of the taxes done earlier today and I had to give him all the miles I had driven for medical reasons. As I was going through the list, todays date from last year popped up and it was the day I had my last Remicade infusion!! It wasn't supposed to be my last but after the debacle the new hospital put me through and how long it took I never rescheduled the one more I should have gotten before I had my colectomy. I survived, even though I took a chance that my flare would get worse and cause issues going into surgery. I just couldn't bring myself to go back another time and pump myself full of chemicals that weren't even doing their job. Not to mention the pneumonia I was fighting (not fighting) to no avail because I had zero immune system from the Remi. Choosing to skip that last infusion was a toss up for me because it meant chancing my flare getting worse, but on the flip side, prolonging my pneumonia and possible postponing my surgery because I couldn't get better. So I decided to give my immune system a go when by March, I still had pneumonia from the end of January and had been on roughly four rounds of antibiotic and two steroid shots. I could not get rid of it and as April approached I was getting really nervous that my colectomy would have to be rescheduled because I couldn't fight stupid pneumonia.
It all worked out in the end after a few more rounds of antibiotic, another steroid shot, a set of chest x rays and two CT scans. I'm pretty sure the outcome would have been different had I bombarded my body with more Remi at the end of April.
Needless to say, I haven't been sick since. Stuffed up a few days here and there but not sick! Finally... after constantly being rundown, feverish, achy, and coughing for a year at a time, I've got nothing even close. AMAZING!! So, I felt the need to write a little something commemorating this first milestone of a few more that will come this year.
School has been crazy, trying to handle it the best I can with everything else that goes on day to day. Every day there's something with kids...there are days I have to choose what to make a priority and obviously it's my kids. I'm not too happy with my first test score but I made the class average so I guess it could be worse. A lot worse.
My 18 month old is basically out of control. Everyday I think she's going to bounce her way out of her crib a la Tigger. It's nuts. No sitting still. Unless she's asleep. And she really doesn't like me studying. She prefers to take my pens and pencils and attempt to make graffiti on my $180 lab book. AWESOME.
Oh and I'm blonde again. So many exciting things. My head's swimming with all the activity around here. =)
I'm really excited that the girls and I are heading to Florida for a few days over spring break.  Daytona bound! Whenever I go back it's like I go home a bit. I loved living down there. I had the best time. I miss the beach. I miss the salt air. I can't wait. It'll be nice. My sister will be going down too and I'll get to meet my little niece. Can't wait. I have roughly two weeks to get my body bikini ready... totally possible, right??!! Right..... ;-) Ok good. I'll start on that tomorrow. Or maybe Monday. We'll see. I don't know. Maybe some self tanner will hide everything. Kinda like photoshop. Sounds perfect.
My oldest turns 8 a week from today. I can't even believe it. Too much to process. An 8 year old. Holy crap. How am I old enough to have an 8 year old??? No birthday plans yet because school has been consuming my life, but as the song says... "Life throws you curves. You learn to swerve". Thanks, Rascal Flatts. That sums up the last few years perfectly.
Have a great weekend everyone. Thanks for reading. XO

Nonstop, little sleep, lots of meds, repeat.

It has been some time!!! Sorry it's been so long... Following my last blog post I was miserable and dealing with some JPouch issues and was in the worst mood for a few days and then life got in the way. I saw my surgeon last week and was basically a wreck. I wasn't sleeping because my skin was so raw and was weeping. NOTHING I did was working. The pain and the spasms kept me up or woke me up multiple times per night. I had lost a very small amount of blood a few times, and after everything I've been through, one drop and I am in an internal panic. I was near a breaking point from exhaustion. My surgeon comes in the room and I just started crying. He didn't know what to do. I launched into my tirade about my misery and exhaustion and just kept crying. He looks at me after I stopped for a second, and says, "Lisa, I don't know how to handle this with you. You are one of the strongest people I have ever treated, with one of the worst cases of UC, and you always have humor and a joke. I can't handle this side of you. I'm going to fix it". Well, naturally that made me cry harder and then lucky me....... I got to have an internal exam. It was my lucky day. Whoop whoop. Once again I will reiterate, I have no shame, dignity or modesty left... LONG GONE!!
So, he prescribes me Valium, more Flexeril(yeah, who knew digestive diseases would get you the good stuff), lidocaine gel(use your imagination) and a topical cream. I'm seriously a walking pharmacy. Want to know how often I fill prescriptions? They don't even glance at my license for a controlled substance anymore because THEY KNOW ME. Crazy. But I digress....
I felt better after leaving the office because my surgeon is great. He will listen, and keep trying to fix whatever the problem is. So many doctors dismiss their patients and are arrogant. I get none of that with mine and it's wonderful.
In the meantime I started classes and it is kicking my ass. A lot of work. A lot of material. It's scary. I am having my moments of being overwhelmed especially when my 18 month old is going nuts, tearing through the house and I'm trying to study tissues samples!! Yikes. No bueno. On top of it, my sleep is very broken which makes the mornings feel like torture. I'm trying to adjust. One thing that is so awesome that most will find weird is that Hubs installed a retro fit Bidet on our master bathroom toilet. OMG seriously, it is amazing!! Everyone should have one. Seriously. Go Bidet. It has changed my life now that I have a JPouch and the skin issues that go along with it as I've explained before.
Anyway- that's been my big exciting news. So great.
Oh, another awesome thing is I am going to be a guest blogger for http://thegreatbowelmovement.org/. I am so excited. They are a great little thing with awesome Tshirts like the one I have that says, "Ask me about my Ostomy". Awareness, awareness and conversation. So important to us IBD activists. As soon as it's up and posted I will link it! So cool.
It's things like that that make me so happy I started blogging.

Well, I am going back to some studying before bed. Test on Monday and I never maximize my weekend as much as I'd like. Have a great night everyone. Thanks for reading. XO

It has been some time!!! Sorry it's been so long... Following my last blog post I was miserable and dealing with some JPouch issues and was in the worst mood for a few days and then life got in the way. I saw my surgeon last week and was basically a wreck. I wasn't sleeping because my skin was so raw and was weeping. NOTHING I did was working. The pain and the spasms kept me up or woke me up multiple times per night. I had lost a very small amount of blood a few times, and after everything I've been through, one drop and I am in an internal panic. I was near a breaking point from exhaustion. My surgeon comes in the room and I just started crying. He didn't know what to do. I launched into my tirade about my misery and exhaustion and just kept crying. He looks at me after I stopped for a second, and says, "Lisa, I don't know how to handle this with you. You are one of the strongest people I have ever treated, with one of the worst cases of UC, and you always have humor and a joke. I can't handle this side of you. I'm going to fix it". Well, naturally that made me cry harder and then lucky me....... I got to have an internal exam. It was my lucky day. Whoop whoop. Once again I will reiterate, I have no shame, dignity or modesty left... LONG GONE!!
So, he prescribes me Valium, more Flexeril(yeah, who knew digestive diseases would get you the good stuff), lidocaine gel(use your imagination) and a topical cream. I'm seriously a walking pharmacy. Want to know how often I fill prescriptions? They don't even glance at my license for a controlled substance anymore because THEY KNOW ME. Crazy. But I digress....
I felt better after leaving the office because my surgeon is great. He will listen, and keep trying to fix whatever the problem is. So many doctors dismiss their patients and are arrogant. I get none of that with mine and it's wonderful.
In the meantime I started classes and it is kicking my ass. A lot of work. A lot of material. It's scary. I am having my moments of being overwhelmed especially when my 18 month old is going nuts, tearing through the house and I'm trying to study tissues samples!! Yikes. No bueno. On top of it, my sleep is very broken which makes the mornings feel like torture. I'm trying to adjust. One thing that is so awesome that most will find weird is that Hubs installed a retro fit Bidet on our master bathroom toilet. OMG seriously, it is amazing!! Everyone should have one. Seriously. Go Bidet. It has changed my life now that I have a JPouch and the skin issues that go along with it as I've explained before.
Anyway- that's been my big exciting news. So great.
Oh, another awesome thing is I am going to be a guest blogger for http://thegreatbowelmovement.org/. I am so excited. They are a great little thing with awesome Tshirts like the one I have that says, "Ask me about my Ostomy". Awareness, awareness and conversation. So important to us IBD activists. As soon as it's up and posted I will link it! So cool.
It's things like that that make me so happy I started blogging.

Well, I am going back to some studying before bed. Test on Monday and I never maximize my weekend as much as I'd like. Have a great night everyone. Thanks for reading. XO

Has the fight left this fighter?

So here's this Gym Class Heroes song called The Fighter. I absolutely love it. It actually chokes me up. It's about a boxer, (even though the video features an Olympic gymnast) but man, most of the lyrics are talking about me the last few years. Have a listen.






It's great isn't it? It makes me realize that whether people acknowledge it or not, I'm a fighter. I've been fighting daily for years. Even now, post colectomy, my fight continues. It's exhausting. I'm seriously beginning to think my fight is gone. Is that even possible. It's the night before my classes start up and I'm anxious. I need A's, no exceptions or else I retake Anatomy and Physiology to try again or don't move forward in the program. I'm afraid I don't have it anymore. In my brain I have a lot of things I want to accomplish, but it stops there. I should be happy and relieved that life is on a much healthier scale than it's been in years. I know that. I'm not taking it for granted. I still have issues that disrupt my days, my sleep, my eating. I have pain. But it's a different ball game now. Even so, I want to lie in bed. Just because I want to. Because I don't have to be there because I'm malnourished and anemic. I want to lay in bed and be lazy. By choice. But then I feel guilty because I'm pretty sure I told myself when I was balled up in the hospital in pain, a PICC line in my arm because all my veins were shot, that if I ever got healthy and beat this shit, I would never waste another day in bed again. In fact, I know I did. Yet here I am. My lazy ass slugging along. I have this idea that I want to run the CCFA Team Challenge marathon. Of course this depending on my foot healing but for arguments sake let's say it does.... I don't know if I have it in me to push myself anymore. When I was sick I had no choice but to force myself to go on. I somehow made it through days of seeing spots and almost blacking out, being in so much pain it takes your breath away, being too weak to lift a spoon to my mouth, or step up onto a curb. It's amazing the strength we have when THERE IS NO CHOICE. You just do it. Smile through pain and fear. Joke with the nurses when you are scared out of your mind. Take a deep breath as you are about to undergo another invasive test. Or 6 hours of IV infusion for a medicine that shuts your immune system down. And you joke when they can't get a vein, or it blows, or they hit a valve, or they just can't get it and they are rooting under your skin until you tell them to stop. You put your nose in the air when you see people looking at the bruises on your arms, and see how underweight you are and you know exactly what they assume. You keep going. The tears running down your face into your ears because you are lying there listening as they tell you that you need 2 more units of blood because the first two weren't enough.
Maybe that's all I had. I had a certain amount of fight and now my bank's empty. I don't know. Maybe I'm just tapped out for now. The surgeries this year were a lot. They shook me more than I let on day to day. It's not easy getting gutted. Now, when I have pain or discomfort it's just exhausting. Like, come on body... ENOUGH. <Sigh>.  Some days I just don't have it in me to deal. It's heartbreaking after so long. Maybe I just need a fight refill? Recharge... Let's hope there's still some in there somewhere.

So here's this Gym Class Heroes song called The Fighter. I absolutely love it. It actually chokes me up. It's about a boxer, (even though the video features an Olympic gymnast) but man, most of the lyrics are talking about me the last few years. Have a listen.






It's great isn't it? It makes me realize that whether people acknowledge it or not, I'm a fighter. I've been fighting daily for years. Even now, post colectomy, my fight continues. It's exhausting. I'm seriously beginning to think my fight is gone. Is that even possible. It's the night before my classes start up and I'm anxious. I need A's, no exceptions or else I retake Anatomy and Physiology to try again or don't move forward in the program. I'm afraid I don't have it anymore. In my brain I have a lot of things I want to accomplish, but it stops there. I should be happy and relieved that life is on a much healthier scale than it's been in years. I know that. I'm not taking it for granted. I still have issues that disrupt my days, my sleep, my eating. I have pain. But it's a different ball game now. Even so, I want to lie in bed. Just because I want to. Because I don't have to be there because I'm malnourished and anemic. I want to lay in bed and be lazy. By choice. But then I feel guilty because I'm pretty sure I told myself when I was balled up in the hospital in pain, a PICC line in my arm because all my veins were shot, that if I ever got healthy and beat this shit, I would never waste another day in bed again. In fact, I know I did. Yet here I am. My lazy ass slugging along. I have this idea that I want to run the CCFA Team Challenge marathon. Of course this depending on my foot healing but for arguments sake let's say it does.... I don't know if I have it in me to push myself anymore. When I was sick I had no choice but to force myself to go on. I somehow made it through days of seeing spots and almost blacking out, being in so much pain it takes your breath away, being too weak to lift a spoon to my mouth, or step up onto a curb. It's amazing the strength we have when THERE IS NO CHOICE. You just do it. Smile through pain and fear. Joke with the nurses when you are scared out of your mind. Take a deep breath as you are about to undergo another invasive test. Or 6 hours of IV infusion for a medicine that shuts your immune system down. And you joke when they can't get a vein, or it blows, or they hit a valve, or they just can't get it and they are rooting under your skin until you tell them to stop. You put your nose in the air when you see people looking at the bruises on your arms, and see how underweight you are and you know exactly what they assume. You keep going. The tears running down your face into your ears because you are lying there listening as they tell you that you need 2 more units of blood because the first two weren't enough.
Maybe that's all I had. I had a certain amount of fight and now my bank's empty. I don't know. Maybe I'm just tapped out for now. The surgeries this year were a lot. They shook me more than I let on day to day. It's not easy getting gutted. Now, when I have pain or discomfort it's just exhausting. Like, come on body... ENOUGH. <Sigh>.  Some days I just don't have it in me to deal. It's heartbreaking after so long. Maybe I just need a fight refill? Recharge... Let's hope there's still some in there somewhere.

So great!!!

I got featured on another blog!!! It's so cool to see yourself and your story on another person's blog! I'm honored Sarah Kay Hoffman asked me! Check it out!!

http://www.sarahkayhoffman.com/2013/01/11/lisa-polley-a-gutsy-girl-with-ulcerative-colitis/

I got featured on another blog!!! It's so cool to see yourself and your story on another person's blog! I'm honored Sarah Kay Hoffman asked me! Check it out!!

http://www.sarahkayhoffman.com/2013/01/11/lisa-polley-a-gutsy-girl-with-ulcerative-colitis/

Sleep deprivation and the accompanied fun.

I'm exhausted. I've been exhausted since the summer of 2008. Seriously. Between my divorce, my move and work transfer, the custody battle my ex initiated, my illness, hospitalizations, meds and surgery,  I am a walking tired hag.  I don't mean mentally, although that happens from time to time, just physically exhausted. Where the *thought* of showering is overwhelming. I sleep like hell. My insides always seem to decide that starting at 9/10pm to be obnoxious. That carries through off and on until about 430. So that 7am alarm is brutal. Mentally, and emotionally I want to go back to work. I do. I miss it. Then I think about how I feel 90% of the time and wonder how I can pull that off. My prescription is at the WalMart that sits across the street from my neighborhood. I can't even get my act together to get it. So I'm suffering with spasms. Bad. I don't know the last time I slept through the night. I don't even want 8 hours. A solid 5 would be a dream. I've tried Ambien and I fall asleep like a dream. Too bad it's not strong enough to override my guts. It's not fun stumbling in the dark, half asleep on Ambien, trying to get to the bathroom. And trying not to wake Hubs up in the process. Ugh- I could scream. I will waste the day on the couch or in bed, dozing on and off. Today is the perfect example. I felt queasy all night. Finally went into a sleep maybe around 2. Up at 330a. Alarm at 7a to get DD #1 out the door. I was back in bed by 730a. Slept until after 10a. Wow... and I'm still tired. The queasiness remains. I'm sicker than usual today. Feeling lightheaded and seeing spots. Sticking with my saltine diet. It's almost 4p and I have no dinner plan. Nothing is defrosted. Even if it was, I would have no ambition to cook it. Somehow I will get it together. I never really know where it comes from or how I do it. Sometimes I look back on my day and I'm either disgusted or in awe of myself. My classes start in 2 weeks. I'm already wondering how I'll do it. And the wonder, is making me even more exhausted. Happy slumbers everyone. Don't ever take a well rested morning for granted. XO

I'm exhausted. I've been exhausted since the summer of 2008. Seriously. Between my divorce, my move and work transfer, the custody battle my ex initiated, my illness, hospitalizations, meds and surgery,  I am a walking tired hag.  I don't mean mentally, although that happens from time to time, just physically exhausted. Where the *thought* of showering is overwhelming. I sleep like hell. My insides always seem to decide that starting at 9/10pm to be obnoxious. That carries through off and on until about 430. So that 7am alarm is brutal. Mentally, and emotionally I want to go back to work. I do. I miss it. Then I think about how I feel 90% of the time and wonder how I can pull that off. My prescription is at the WalMart that sits across the street from my neighborhood. I can't even get my act together to get it. So I'm suffering with spasms. Bad. I don't know the last time I slept through the night. I don't even want 8 hours. A solid 5 would be a dream. I've tried Ambien and I fall asleep like a dream. Too bad it's not strong enough to override my guts. It's not fun stumbling in the dark, half asleep on Ambien, trying to get to the bathroom. And trying not to wake Hubs up in the process. Ugh- I could scream. I will waste the day on the couch or in bed, dozing on and off. Today is the perfect example. I felt queasy all night. Finally went into a sleep maybe around 2. Up at 330a. Alarm at 7a to get DD #1 out the door. I was back in bed by 730a. Slept until after 10a. Wow... and I'm still tired. The queasiness remains. I'm sicker than usual today. Feeling lightheaded and seeing spots. Sticking with my saltine diet. It's almost 4p and I have no dinner plan. Nothing is defrosted. Even if it was, I would have no ambition to cook it. Somehow I will get it together. I never really know where it comes from or how I do it. Sometimes I look back on my day and I'm either disgusted or in awe of myself. My classes start in 2 weeks. I'm already wondering how I'll do it. And the wonder, is making me even more exhausted. Happy slumbers everyone. Don't ever take a well rested morning for granted. XO

Some lasts of 2012...

Today is usually the day that a lot of people complain about how horrible this year was and they can't wait for the next. I could easily be one of those people. Instead, I think this year was awesome. I got gutted and got rid of a nasty rotting organ that was ruining my life. Many people would probably put that on their 'con' list for 2012, but not me. It is numero uno on the 'pro' list. Getting though that surgery and the following recovery feels like a huge milestone for me, not a setback. This time last year I was in such a different place physically, emotionally and mentally. Now I'm about ready for anything! Bring it on 2013.... you've got nothing. I was lucky to have been healthy enough post surgery to be able to fly to NY and celebrate my Gram's 90th birthday. I got to bring both of my girls and spend time with my best friend and her girls.  Looking back on this year I can say that I, hopefully, saw the last of the following; blood transfusions, 4 hour IV Remicade infusions, Prednisone pills, hospitalizations, blood loss, daily pain and fatigue, joint pain, hair loss, ... I could go on. There are a lot of 'lasts' from 2012. One thing that is definitely following me is my medical bills. I'm down to about $1600 on what I owe for my last Remicade infusion! I can't explain how great it is to not have my body pumped full of immunosuppressants anymore. I'm not perpetually sick! Yaaahoooo! I no longer spend time wondering what the hell all that crap was doing to me!! So great!
My husband told me last night that he is happy to finally be seeing 'me' again. That the last year and a half I've been a different person going through all of this and the last few months, little by little, I'm becoming myself again. That's the hardest part of all. Knowing that the people around you are suddenly dealing with a stranger. I'm sure Hubs had many days where he looked at me and wondered where his wife went. Oh- I know..I was either in bed, at the doctor's or in the bathroom... Living the life!! It was nice, and sad, to hear him say that to me. At least I'm bouncing back. I have big plans 2013- you hear me?? I have races to run, Anatomy classes to ace, work to find and maybe if I'm lucky, some new places to visit. For the most part, this year will be hard to top. I conquered some big hurdles. Without hesitation.
I'll be starting out 2013 by getting to write a special blog piece for another Gutsy girl's blog. I can't wait. I've almost finished with what I am submitting to her. I have to write about what makes me a gutsy girl. Keeping the entry focused and concise is tough because it's not my blog, I have so much to say and I want it to be great. I'll post the link when it's up.
So  to everyone out there who had some trying times this year, chin up... the things that challenge us and test us don't have to be negative things. We learn from them, we grow, we adapt and sway. As long as you take away from those challenges and make yourself better, they aren't negative. Let your failures and your hurdles inspire you. Drive you to do a little more, a little better. You will never have a year without hardship. It's just up to you to see them as something bigger than 'that awful thing you went through'. Don't be quick to label your challenges as horrible. Without those low moments, you can't appreciate, or even recognize the highs. Sending love to everyone this NYE. Wishing you smiles and laughs and a safe start to 2013. Catch ya on the flip side. XO

Today is usually the day that a lot of people complain about how horrible this year was and they can't wait for the next. I could easily be one of those people. Instead, I think this year was awesome. I got gutted and got rid of a nasty rotting organ that was ruining my life. Many people would probably put that on their 'con' list for 2012, but not me. It is numero uno on the 'pro' list. Getting though that surgery and the following recovery feels like a huge milestone for me, not a setback. This time last year I was in such a different place physically, emotionally and mentally. Now I'm about ready for anything! Bring it on 2013.... you've got nothing. I was lucky to have been healthy enough post surgery to be able to fly to NY and celebrate my Gram's 90th birthday. I got to bring both of my girls and spend time with my best friend and her girls.  Looking back on this year I can say that I, hopefully, saw the last of the following; blood transfusions, 4 hour IV Remicade infusions, Prednisone pills, hospitalizations, blood loss, daily pain and fatigue, joint pain, hair loss, ... I could go on. There are a lot of 'lasts' from 2012. One thing that is definitely following me is my medical bills. I'm down to about $1600 on what I owe for my last Remicade infusion! I can't explain how great it is to not have my body pumped full of immunosuppressants anymore. I'm not perpetually sick! Yaaahoooo! I no longer spend time wondering what the hell all that crap was doing to me!! So great!
My husband told me last night that he is happy to finally be seeing 'me' again. That the last year and a half I've been a different person going through all of this and the last few months, little by little, I'm becoming myself again. That's the hardest part of all. Knowing that the people around you are suddenly dealing with a stranger. I'm sure Hubs had many days where he looked at me and wondered where his wife went. Oh- I know..I was either in bed, at the doctor's or in the bathroom... Living the life!! It was nice, and sad, to hear him say that to me. At least I'm bouncing back. I have big plans 2013- you hear me?? I have races to run, Anatomy classes to ace, work to find and maybe if I'm lucky, some new places to visit. For the most part, this year will be hard to top. I conquered some big hurdles. Without hesitation.
I'll be starting out 2013 by getting to write a special blog piece for another Gutsy girl's blog. I can't wait. I've almost finished with what I am submitting to her. I have to write about what makes me a gutsy girl. Keeping the entry focused and concise is tough because it's not my blog, I have so much to say and I want it to be great. I'll post the link when it's up.
So  to everyone out there who had some trying times this year, chin up... the things that challenge us and test us don't have to be negative things. We learn from them, we grow, we adapt and sway. As long as you take away from those challenges and make yourself better, they aren't negative. Let your failures and your hurdles inspire you. Drive you to do a little more, a little better. You will never have a year without hardship. It's just up to you to see them as something bigger than 'that awful thing you went through'. Don't be quick to label your challenges as horrible. Without those low moments, you can't appreciate, or even recognize the highs. Sending love to everyone this NYE. Wishing you smiles and laughs and a safe start to 2013. Catch ya on the flip side. XO

Bionic feet and crafty wonders...

Well, I kinda sorta made the wreath I saw on Pinterest. I did run out of bulbs halfway but I think I did an ok job with what I had. Metal coat hanger that I scrounged from a friend, and some bulbs I bought that never really went with anything but I couldn't throw out. Here is a pic of my ring o'balls.

It's not as I had envisioned it but it works for me. I may rearrange some bulbs if I'm feeling ambitious but probably not. Let's hope the Grinch that stole my other one doesn't strike again.
I finally got all the wrapping and steri-strips off my foot from surgery. I haven't washed that foot since Thanksgiving weekend. Gross. I can finally shower without a bag sealed around my foot.
Here's a before and after.

There's still quite a bit of swelling and my range of motion isn't even close to 100% but I'm getting there. I have to exercise my toe a few times daily to get flexibility back and stop scar tissue from forming so I can use my foot properly. It really hurts to bend a toe that doesn't want to bend. I have two screws in there. So I am bionic. I still hate feet. That won't change. =)

In other news, I am full on raging about doctor's and insurance companies. I am so over it. My foot surgeon used an assistant surgeon. Well, said assistant is out of network. Apparently, I was supposed to ask my surgeon's office if the assistant was in network prior to agreeing to surgery. Would you have asked knowing your actually surgeon is in network?? I didn't even think about it. Why would I? So apparently I owe this assistant surgeon that I had no input about, $1300. Yeah right.... I'm not paying it. Such bullshit. I am so DONE with doctor's and meds, and insurance claims and blood work, and appointments. DONE! I just hung up with my insurance company and apparently I'M the idiot for not being more intuitive that I should have asked. Did I mention I called my insurance company prior to surgery and asked about an assistant surgeon being covered? Oh yeah. I was told I have 100% surgical coverage that covers anyone who needs to be in the OR. Ok... swell... let's move ahead. Now, AFTER THE FACT, the assistant surgeon isn't lumped into that. My cheeks are hot. I'm appealing it naturally, but I'm sure it won't matter. I was having a perfectly fine day until this happening. I'm sick about it. But can you imagine if I had asked and they said, oh the guy who assists is out of network and I said I didn't want him there? I probably would have had to find a new surgeon. It's so ridiculous I could scream.
I'm going to go outside in the cold and look at my crafty ring o'balls and hopefully snap out of my rage so I can call my surgeons office and not sound like someone related to Honey Boo Boo. I'm so mad the F bombs would be flying. So I'm going to take pause. I'll let you know what happens. What a crock of shit.

Well, I kinda sorta made the wreath I saw on Pinterest. I did run out of bulbs halfway but I think I did an ok job with what I had. Metal coat hanger that I scrounged from a friend, and some bulbs I bought that never really went with anything but I couldn't throw out. Here is a pic of my ring o'balls.

It's not as I had envisioned it but it works for me. I may rearrange some bulbs if I'm feeling ambitious but probably not. Let's hope the Grinch that stole my other one doesn't strike again.
I finally got all the wrapping and steri-strips off my foot from surgery. I haven't washed that foot since Thanksgiving weekend. Gross. I can finally shower without a bag sealed around my foot.
Here's a before and after.

There's still quite a bit of swelling and my range of motion isn't even close to 100% but I'm getting there. I have to exercise my toe a few times daily to get flexibility back and stop scar tissue from forming so I can use my foot properly. It really hurts to bend a toe that doesn't want to bend. I have two screws in there. So I am bionic. I still hate feet. That won't change. =)

In other news, I am full on raging about doctor's and insurance companies. I am so over it. My foot surgeon used an assistant surgeon. Well, said assistant is out of network. Apparently, I was supposed to ask my surgeon's office if the assistant was in network prior to agreeing to surgery. Would you have asked knowing your actually surgeon is in network?? I didn't even think about it. Why would I? So apparently I owe this assistant surgeon that I had no input about, $1300. Yeah right.... I'm not paying it. Such bullshit. I am so DONE with doctor's and meds, and insurance claims and blood work, and appointments. DONE! I just hung up with my insurance company and apparently I'M the idiot for not being more intuitive that I should have asked. Did I mention I called my insurance company prior to surgery and asked about an assistant surgeon being covered? Oh yeah. I was told I have 100% surgical coverage that covers anyone who needs to be in the OR. Ok... swell... let's move ahead. Now, AFTER THE FACT, the assistant surgeon isn't lumped into that. My cheeks are hot. I'm appealing it naturally, but I'm sure it won't matter. I was having a perfectly fine day until this happening. I'm sick about it. But can you imagine if I had asked and they said, oh the guy who assists is out of network and I said I didn't want him there? I probably would have had to find a new surgeon. It's so ridiculous I could scream.
I'm going to go outside in the cold and look at my crafty ring o'balls and hopefully snap out of my rage so I can call my surgeons office and not sound like someone related to Honey Boo Boo. I'm so mad the F bombs would be flying. So I'm going to take pause. I'll let you know what happens. What a crock of shit.