I need my head examined. Seriously.

Yes Ladies and Gents... I am off my rocker. Just when I was feeling close to normal and the lomotil was doing it's job, what did I do? I scheduled elective foot surgery. Yep. It's true, I have been putting it off for roughly 15 years and all, and I figured why not. My deductible is met, I'm not working, I'm taking an online class and it's going into colder weather when I tend to hide out anyway.
I hate feet. No feet are attractive. Supermodels have ugly feet. Ryan Gosling probably has ugly feet.
I inherited some sweet bunions. My feet hurt a lot and working years in retail did not help out. I had my right foot corrected in 12th grade. And now at 35 I've tackled the left. It's not even that painful. Maybe to the average person, but this 'pain' is laughable compared to UC pain and surgical pain from getting gutted. This is nothing more than an annoyance at best. I've barely taken any pain meds. I think two pills in 24 hours. I can't walk on it at all for a week. No weight on it at all. So that means crutches. They are awful. Every time I'm upstairs, something I want is downstairs and vice versa. It takes me 9 years to navigate across the house. Ugh- what was I thinking. I'm laying in bed like a slug...gaining weight by the minute from not moving.
Luckily I got some shopping done last weekend because I will not have the capability to wander around for quite a while.
Here is Daughter #2 and me at Sephora--->

I am looking forward to driving those motorized carts in the store though. I seriously get excited about the lamest things. I also need to be elevating my foot. Translation- laying around with my feet up and having people wait on me.... OH! Sounds heavenly.
We went to the zoo Sunday- I am so weak from surgeries. Walking around for a few hours felt like I ran a 5k. OMG I am so out of shape. Once this foot heals up- I need to light a fire under my ass. No more skinnyfat girl. NOPE!


I go to the surgeon tomorrow to get the drain out. I tried to check things out but it is wrapped up mummy tight and I can't see anything. I will be taking pics tomorrow when he unwraps it! I'm such a sicko. My doctor's think I'm nutty.
As for my guts and stuff, the anestesia and narcotics have basically put my system in hibernation. NOTHING is going on. Probably why I'm gaining weight by the day. I even stopped the lomotil because I need something to change. Strong coffee? Prune juice? Taco Bell? Hmmmmm..... ;-)
Here is a pic of my feet.

Obviously the right one has no issues. Still ugly, but no issues.  I can't wait to see the left one tomorrow!!! Yeah! It'll be a bit before I can get a pedi though. That's going to suck.
Anyway- I'm just sitting on my ass, thinking that I'm nuts for doing this.
Here's my mummified foot all elevated in case you care.

 But if not now, when? I'd like to get back to work at least part time in January so that will be tough enough as I haven't worked since June 2010. I'll go back to retail part time but I can't do full time anymore. I can't do the nights and weekends. I have no interest or patience anymore getting treated like crap at my job when I could be home with my family. Plus I don't think my body could handle jumping into full time right away. Not to mention I'm taking two classes in the spring. That's a lot to juggle with the kids, house, etc.... Plus Hubs has commitments to teach on Tuesday nights and Saturday mornings so my availability will be far from open. Oh well...we'll see. First I have to be able to walk again... I won't be in a normal shoe for a while. I have a sweet Herman Munster platform velcro shoe. I'm going to have Daughter #1 sparkle it up and I'll post a pic. Gotta have some flair, right?? Okay boys and girls, I am off to ice and elevate and watch some stuff on TV. Maybe address my Christmas cards.
Everyone have a good night. I'll let you know how the appointment goes tomorrow and post some gross Post-OP pics of my foot!! =)
Later! XO

Yes Ladies and Gents... I am off my rocker. Just when I was feeling close to normal and the lomotil was doing it's job, what did I do? I scheduled elective foot surgery. Yep. It's true, I have been putting it off for roughly 15 years and all, and I figured why not. My deductible is met, I'm not working, I'm taking an online class and it's going into colder weather when I tend to hide out anyway.
I hate feet. No feet are attractive. Supermodels have ugly feet. Ryan Gosling probably has ugly feet.
I inherited some sweet bunions. My feet hurt a lot and working years in retail did not help out. I had my right foot corrected in 12th grade. And now at 35 I've tackled the left. It's not even that painful. Maybe to the average person, but this 'pain' is laughable compared to UC pain and surgical pain from getting gutted. This is nothing more than an annoyance at best. I've barely taken any pain meds. I think two pills in 24 hours. I can't walk on it at all for a week. No weight on it at all. So that means crutches. They are awful. Every time I'm upstairs, something I want is downstairs and vice versa. It takes me 9 years to navigate across the house. Ugh- what was I thinking. I'm laying in bed like a slug...gaining weight by the minute from not moving.
Luckily I got some shopping done last weekend because I will not have the capability to wander around for quite a while.
Here is Daughter #2 and me at Sephora--->

I am looking forward to driving those motorized carts in the store though. I seriously get excited about the lamest things. I also need to be elevating my foot. Translation- laying around with my feet up and having people wait on me.... OH! Sounds heavenly.
We went to the zoo Sunday- I am so weak from surgeries. Walking around for a few hours felt like I ran a 5k. OMG I am so out of shape. Once this foot heals up- I need to light a fire under my ass. No more skinnyfat girl. NOPE!


I go to the surgeon tomorrow to get the drain out. I tried to check things out but it is wrapped up mummy tight and I can't see anything. I will be taking pics tomorrow when he unwraps it! I'm such a sicko. My doctor's think I'm nutty.
As for my guts and stuff, the anestesia and narcotics have basically put my system in hibernation. NOTHING is going on. Probably why I'm gaining weight by the day. I even stopped the lomotil because I need something to change. Strong coffee? Prune juice? Taco Bell? Hmmmmm..... ;-)
Here is a pic of my feet.

Obviously the right one has no issues. Still ugly, but no issues.  I can't wait to see the left one tomorrow!!! Yeah! It'll be a bit before I can get a pedi though. That's going to suck.
Anyway- I'm just sitting on my ass, thinking that I'm nuts for doing this.
Here's my mummified foot all elevated in case you care.

 But if not now, when? I'd like to get back to work at least part time in January so that will be tough enough as I haven't worked since June 2010. I'll go back to retail part time but I can't do full time anymore. I can't do the nights and weekends. I have no interest or patience anymore getting treated like crap at my job when I could be home with my family. Plus I don't think my body could handle jumping into full time right away. Not to mention I'm taking two classes in the spring. That's a lot to juggle with the kids, house, etc.... Plus Hubs has commitments to teach on Tuesday nights and Saturday mornings so my availability will be far from open. Oh well...we'll see. First I have to be able to walk again... I won't be in a normal shoe for a while. I have a sweet Herman Munster platform velcro shoe. I'm going to have Daughter #1 sparkle it up and I'll post a pic. Gotta have some flair, right?? Okay boys and girls, I am off to ice and elevate and watch some stuff on TV. Maybe address my Christmas cards.
Everyone have a good night. I'll let you know how the appointment goes tomorrow and post some gross Post-OP pics of my foot!! =)
Later! XO

To my OBGYN with love.

Yeah.... considering how much time I spend at the doctors/hospitals etc... you would think I would just be miserable at the thought of having to go to the gyno. Not so much. My doc is AMAZING. I moved to Texas three years ago and I had two concerns; finding a salon and finding a gyno. Well, I just picked a practice. The first two times in I saw the NP who was nice. On a fluke I ended up with my current doctor because I had to reschedule. I am so happy that happened. Given all my IBD issues I was so ecstatic to have found someone to be real with. She listens and is real and we have a great doctor/patient relationship. Hubs has baked for her. She was completely on board for any issue that may come up with my IBD, especially during my pregnancy with Daughter #2. If every doctor was like her, the world would be better. She listens. She doesn't talk AT you all arrogant. She really is amazing. I had my first appointment with her post colon eviction. I got to show her the pics of my colon. She couldn't believe how awful it looked and more so, that once it came out I felt like a different person. She is one doctor I don't mind scheduling. She had left the practice I originally met her at and I followed her to her new one. Secretly, I think she likes me because I delivered Daughter #2 in only 7 minutes. :) Seriously. She came up the elevator right at 5 and VIP showed up at 507p. Nice. I guess the point of my post is to tell people to find doctors you can talk to. Who listen. Who talk to you, not at you. I've had more practice than a lot of people, but I can now say I'm surrounded by doctors that I never hold back from. The more you are surrounded by white coats, the more your filter comes off. I can say whatever I need to, ask embarrassing stuff, say embarrassing things and be totally ok with it. And the needles stopped freaking me out. Finally. Before all my UC started I never needed a doctor. I did my routine gyno trip and that's it. I'm getting closer to returning to that person. I can't wait for that day and I'm happy I have a rockstar gyno to do the honors!
****PSA- get regular pap smears girls. Check your tatas. A few minutes out of your day could save your life. XOXO

Yeah.... considering how much time I spend at the doctors/hospitals etc... you would think I would just be miserable at the thought of having to go to the gyno. Not so much. My doc is AMAZING. I moved to Texas three years ago and I had two concerns; finding a salon and finding a gyno. Well, I just picked a practice. The first two times in I saw the NP who was nice. On a fluke I ended up with my current doctor because I had to reschedule. I am so happy that happened. Given all my IBD issues I was so ecstatic to have found someone to be real with. She listens and is real and we have a great doctor/patient relationship. Hubs has baked for her. She was completely on board for any issue that may come up with my IBD, especially during my pregnancy with Daughter #2. If every doctor was like her, the world would be better. She listens. She doesn't talk AT you all arrogant. She really is amazing. I had my first appointment with her post colon eviction. I got to show her the pics of my colon. She couldn't believe how awful it looked and more so, that once it came out I felt like a different person. She is one doctor I don't mind scheduling. She had left the practice I originally met her at and I followed her to her new one. Secretly, I think she likes me because I delivered Daughter #2 in only 7 minutes. :) Seriously. She came up the elevator right at 5 and VIP showed up at 507p. Nice. I guess the point of my post is to tell people to find doctors you can talk to. Who listen. Who talk to you, not at you. I've had more practice than a lot of people, but I can now say I'm surrounded by doctors that I never hold back from. The more you are surrounded by white coats, the more your filter comes off. I can say whatever I need to, ask embarrassing stuff, say embarrassing things and be totally ok with it. And the needles stopped freaking me out. Finally. Before all my UC started I never needed a doctor. I did my routine gyno trip and that's it. I'm getting closer to returning to that person. I can't wait for that day and I'm happy I have a rockstar gyno to do the honors!
****PSA- get regular pap smears girls. Check your tatas. A few minutes out of your day could save your life. XOXO

Lucky me.

Please watch this before continuing.


Watch "The Butt Campaign" on YouTube

This video made me cry. Made me realize I am lucky for everything I've gone through. I had a carefree childhood. No chronic pain, bleeding, hospitalizations etc.... These kids deal with so much at ages they should be playing and having fun. Instead, they schedule doctor's appointments and IV infusions. I see my girls in their faces. I hope they never have to go through what I have. I know I will forever be paranoid when they have stomach aches or diarrhea. I know the fear that they will develop symptoms is in the back of my mind. That's why this video hit me. I am lucky I got 31 years of a healthy life before all this UC shit started. There are infants with ostomy bags like I had. Can you imagine your baby needing my surgery, and having an ostomy and a bag on it's sweet little body? Heartbreaking. The first time I saw pictures of that I cried. I am very lucky. Even at my age it's hard to handle but I can tell myself to shut up and suck it up and persevere. These kids who have IBD are so strong. I don't know how they hold themselves together so well and smile! So many days I've been falling apart and there are kids who are smiling and enjoying life. Bravo to them. They are amazing. We need to support IBD research and find a cure for this crap. It ruins lives, it affects babies and kids and adults. The meds have evil side effects. The pain on a daily basis is excruciating. I will continue to talk about my story, unembarrassed and open, so more people will understand. Breast cancer used to be taboo too but now through awareness campaigns and people being open, there is no stigma. That's beautiful. I'd like for IBD to be the same. The pledge connected to this video and this group is to vow to stay verbal, and active in the fight against IBD until a cure is found. Being a complete pain in the butt. I can do that no problem. More ways than one. ;-). I'm on the other side now, thanks to surgery. I used to have UC. My surgeries come with their own issues but it's nothing like it was. I am lucky. I am lucky UC showed up when I was 31. Very lucky.

Please watch this before continuing.


Watch "The Butt Campaign" on YouTube

This video made me cry. Made me realize I am lucky for everything I've gone through. I had a carefree childhood. No chronic pain, bleeding, hospitalizations etc.... These kids deal with so much at ages they should be playing and having fun. Instead, they schedule doctor's appointments and IV infusions. I see my girls in their faces. I hope they never have to go through what I have. I know I will forever be paranoid when they have stomach aches or diarrhea. I know the fear that they will develop symptoms is in the back of my mind. That's why this video hit me. I am lucky I got 31 years of a healthy life before all this UC shit started. There are infants with ostomy bags like I had. Can you imagine your baby needing my surgery, and having an ostomy and a bag on it's sweet little body? Heartbreaking. The first time I saw pictures of that I cried. I am very lucky. Even at my age it's hard to handle but I can tell myself to shut up and suck it up and persevere. These kids who have IBD are so strong. I don't know how they hold themselves together so well and smile! So many days I've been falling apart and there are kids who are smiling and enjoying life. Bravo to them. They are amazing. We need to support IBD research and find a cure for this crap. It ruins lives, it affects babies and kids and adults. The meds have evil side effects. The pain on a daily basis is excruciating. I will continue to talk about my story, unembarrassed and open, so more people will understand. Breast cancer used to be taboo too but now through awareness campaigns and people being open, there is no stigma. That's beautiful. I'd like for IBD to be the same. The pledge connected to this video and this group is to vow to stay verbal, and active in the fight against IBD until a cure is found. Being a complete pain in the butt. I can do that no problem. More ways than one. ;-). I'm on the other side now, thanks to surgery. I used to have UC. My surgeries come with their own issues but it's nothing like it was. I am lucky. I am lucky UC showed up when I was 31. Very lucky.

What a difference a year makes!!

Well hello out there internet land. it's been a bit since I've written so that could mean I feel fantastic or like total shit... it's been a little bit of both. I still wake up feeling absolutely liberated not having a rotting colon, and not having a bag 'o poo adhered to my torso. On the flip side, still dealing with pain that comes with rearranging my internal organs. First, a little factoid. The average person, from the moment of ingestion to elimination is anywhere from 18-48 hours depending on water and fiber intake. Your food leaves your stomach within 30 minutes and heads to the small bowel. The small bowel is not storage. In roughly 3-4 hours it sucks up the nutrients from the food and moves it into your colon. The colon absorbs water and electrolytes and anything left worth using and stores it until you have to go #2. Well, I don't have the colon anymore. So...after about 4-6 hours my food is gone. Sometimes that is very annoying. It can cause a bit more frequency than I'd like, but anything beats going 20-30 times a day, in pain, like I was before surgery. This leads to another factoid that I may have mentioned in the past. Your small bowel can not remove stomach acid from your waste. It never will. That's part of your colon's job, which I no longer have. To sum up- frequency + highly acidic poo = pain, misery and adult diaper rash. =( Still, I wouldn't go back. Life sucked pretty bad when I prefer a diaper rash. CRAZY.
I've started keeping a journal of when and what I eat, and subsequently, when I hit the throne. Wow- just reread that last part. I have seriously opened the flood gates into what should be the most hidden moments and details of what I'm dealing with and here I am sending it into the internet.

Here's me and my baby girl a few days ago when she turned 15 months. Happy I can spend time, run around and feeling so much better!!! =)

Here's a pretty recent pic of the FrankenBelly. Not as bad as I ever would have thought, but a lot of scar tissue that tends to give me pain if I move a certain way, or quickly. Yoga will not be possible for a bit. Just stretching in the morning hurts. Hoping it will slowly subside.

I've been using some scar fading stuff but not religiously. I'm obviously not too concerned. If it starts to fade as the vertical one did it won't be a big deal. It is very recessed though. Sunken in and weird. Everyone says it's look like a gunshot scar. I think my story is WAY better than a getting shot or knifed. I'll stick with the story about how I kicked UC's ass to the curb!! BOOM!

Had Halloween yesterday. It was so LOVELY to just stroll around the neighborhood, no urgency, with Dillan. The temps dropping brought us in, NOT MY GUTS!!!! That's a big deal. EVERY SINGLE moment, event, and day was impacted by my UC. Seriously it is as though the binds are gone. I was walking last night and pushing Violet thinking about how a year ago life was so different. I was ballooned from Prednisone. I hurt all over. My stepson B took Daughter #1 around because I wouldn't have lasted a block. This year I could have gone for hours. It was great. So liberating. A bonus---We have WAY too much candy left. It's going to be a food group for a while. My kids are damn cute!

I did full blown makeup to be a bearded lady... here's a before and an after----->

It was hard smiling in that thing. It was either Bearded lady or a Pig in a Blanket and it ended up being too warm to walk around wrapped in a blanket. I'm still not used to warm weather at Halloween. I subconsciously think I need the thermals under my costume!!
Here's me last year. I didn't even want my picture taken because the moon face was so bad and I was so ugly. I don't even recognize myself. How horrible that drug is. I think I packed on almost 40lbs too. I should have just put a bag over my fat head!!! =) And can you tell green is my favorite color. That's weird.

I have been thinking lately I want to do more in striving for IBD, ostomy and Pouch awareness. I don't know where to start. I think I'll contact my local CCFA. I really want to be out there as an advocate with my story and experience and make what we deal with and how it affects our lives a bit more center stage. It struck me the other day when I called my SSDI(Social Security Disability Insurance) attorney to update my file with my second surgery and how my meds changed and the woman at the office who I passed the message to said, "I'd ask what an Ostomy reversal is, but first I need to know what an ostomy is." It just took me aback. Is this stuff really that below the radar?? It shouldn't be. We are not that few and far between!!! Hello!!!! We all need to talk and get it out there. I'm sure at some point people were embarrassed to talk about breast cancer but now, there isn't one person who hasn't heard of breast cancer. And yet, they still spend millions every year on 'awareness'. Everyone is aware... in terms of that..it's time to just shift that money to research and treatment.
With IBD, there is little 'awareness'. Little understanding. Meds that rock our worlds and our bodies into worse situations. Other countries are leaping ahead with research and trials with intestinal transplants, fecal transplant etc... I would have been all on board for someone else's guts. Even one foot of colon would have to help right?? Ok, I'm off my soapbox and done contemplating biology and science I have to business contemplating. Have a great November 1st!!! I can not believe this year is winding down. One year ago I was dealing with a horrible flare of which I vowed to stay out of the Big H, extreme joint pain, Remicade infusions that weren't even working, 40mg of Prednisone(down from 70mg), a colonoscopy and CT scan and a cervical cancer scare and surgery to remove aggressive and quickly advancing precancerous cells. Last October and November were ROUGH!!! It just goes to show how much can change in a year. When you think you've hit the bottom, when the world is crumbling, if you just hang on and keep it together, you will look back a year later and amaze yourself at what you can overcome. We are all stronger than we think. We just have to give ourselves the chance to shine! Be well everyone. Thanks for reading. XOXO

Well hello out there internet land. it's been a bit since I've written so that could mean I feel fantastic or like total shit... it's been a little bit of both. I still wake up feeling absolutely liberated not having a rotting colon, and not having a bag 'o poo adhered to my torso. On the flip side, still dealing with pain that comes with rearranging my internal organs. First, a little factoid. The average person, from the moment of ingestion to elimination is anywhere from 18-48 hours depending on water and fiber intake. Your food leaves your stomach within 30 minutes and heads to the small bowel. The small bowel is not storage. In roughly 3-4 hours it sucks up the nutrients from the food and moves it into your colon. The colon absorbs water and electrolytes and anything left worth using and stores it until you have to go #2. Well, I don't have the colon anymore. So...after about 4-6 hours my food is gone. Sometimes that is very annoying. It can cause a bit more frequency than I'd like, but anything beats going 20-30 times a day, in pain, like I was before surgery. This leads to another factoid that I may have mentioned in the past. Your small bowel can not remove stomach acid from your waste. It never will. That's part of your colon's job, which I no longer have. To sum up- frequency + highly acidic poo = pain, misery and adult diaper rash. =( Still, I wouldn't go back. Life sucked pretty bad when I prefer a diaper rash. CRAZY.
I've started keeping a journal of when and what I eat, and subsequently, when I hit the throne. Wow- just reread that last part. I have seriously opened the flood gates into what should be the most hidden moments and details of what I'm dealing with and here I am sending it into the internet.

Here's me and my baby girl a few days ago when she turned 15 months. Happy I can spend time, run around and feeling so much better!!! =)

Here's a pretty recent pic of the FrankenBelly. Not as bad as I ever would have thought, but a lot of scar tissue that tends to give me pain if I move a certain way, or quickly. Yoga will not be possible for a bit. Just stretching in the morning hurts. Hoping it will slowly subside.

I've been using some scar fading stuff but not religiously. I'm obviously not too concerned. If it starts to fade as the vertical one did it won't be a big deal. It is very recessed though. Sunken in and weird. Everyone says it's look like a gunshot scar. I think my story is WAY better than a getting shot or knifed. I'll stick with the story about how I kicked UC's ass to the curb!! BOOM!

Had Halloween yesterday. It was so LOVELY to just stroll around the neighborhood, no urgency, with Dillan. The temps dropping brought us in, NOT MY GUTS!!!! That's a big deal. EVERY SINGLE moment, event, and day was impacted by my UC. Seriously it is as though the binds are gone. I was walking last night and pushing Violet thinking about how a year ago life was so different. I was ballooned from Prednisone. I hurt all over. My stepson B took Daughter #1 around because I wouldn't have lasted a block. This year I could have gone for hours. It was great. So liberating. A bonus---We have WAY too much candy left. It's going to be a food group for a while. My kids are damn cute!

I did full blown makeup to be a bearded lady... here's a before and an after----->

It was hard smiling in that thing. It was either Bearded lady or a Pig in a Blanket and it ended up being too warm to walk around wrapped in a blanket. I'm still not used to warm weather at Halloween. I subconsciously think I need the thermals under my costume!!
Here's me last year. I didn't even want my picture taken because the moon face was so bad and I was so ugly. I don't even recognize myself. How horrible that drug is. I think I packed on almost 40lbs too. I should have just put a bag over my fat head!!! =) And can you tell green is my favorite color. That's weird.

I have been thinking lately I want to do more in striving for IBD, ostomy and Pouch awareness. I don't know where to start. I think I'll contact my local CCFA. I really want to be out there as an advocate with my story and experience and make what we deal with and how it affects our lives a bit more center stage. It struck me the other day when I called my SSDI(Social Security Disability Insurance) attorney to update my file with my second surgery and how my meds changed and the woman at the office who I passed the message to said, "I'd ask what an Ostomy reversal is, but first I need to know what an ostomy is." It just took me aback. Is this stuff really that below the radar?? It shouldn't be. We are not that few and far between!!! Hello!!!! We all need to talk and get it out there. I'm sure at some point people were embarrassed to talk about breast cancer but now, there isn't one person who hasn't heard of breast cancer. And yet, they still spend millions every year on 'awareness'. Everyone is aware... in terms of that..it's time to just shift that money to research and treatment.
With IBD, there is little 'awareness'. Little understanding. Meds that rock our worlds and our bodies into worse situations. Other countries are leaping ahead with research and trials with intestinal transplants, fecal transplant etc... I would have been all on board for someone else's guts. Even one foot of colon would have to help right?? Ok, I'm off my soapbox and done contemplating biology and science I have to business contemplating. Have a great November 1st!!! I can not believe this year is winding down. One year ago I was dealing with a horrible flare of which I vowed to stay out of the Big H, extreme joint pain, Remicade infusions that weren't even working, 40mg of Prednisone(down from 70mg), a colonoscopy and CT scan and a cervical cancer scare and surgery to remove aggressive and quickly advancing precancerous cells. Last October and November were ROUGH!!! It just goes to show how much can change in a year. When you think you've hit the bottom, when the world is crumbling, if you just hang on and keep it together, you will look back a year later and amaze yourself at what you can overcome. We are all stronger than we think. We just have to give ourselves the chance to shine! Be well everyone. Thanks for reading. XOXO