I just wanted an easy transition. Not getting it. The surgical pain has been nothing. The intestinal pain on the other hand has been intense. The majority of my small bowel wasn't used for months. Now, it is not happy to be put back to work. I am in pain. I can not describe the internal/maybe rectal? pain that occurs when something starts moving into that area. It paralyzes me for a few moments. So intense I feel like I may have an accident. Then is passes like it never happened. I can only assume that feeling is waste entering the newly formed pouch. I am still trying to figure out how things feel. Having to go #2 feels completely different now that I'm using different body parts to do it. So, trying to discern what is just intestinal pain vs the urge to go has been a challenge this last week. I end up hanging out in the shitter because I don't know if I'm in pain, or if I have to go. So obnoxious.
For those who are unfamiliar with the Jpouch, here's an image of what my insides basically look like now after all the surgeries are done.
I have to keep reminding myself that it generally takes up to a year for the Jpouch and system to adapt and become somewhat normal. I'm only 11 days post OP. Everything is a very slow adjustment process. My small intestine needs to start absorbing more water so my 'output' is more solid. Yeah, there's a nice visual. HOT!!
I'm completely out of my mind thinking I should be able to pick up my crazy life and run with it. It hurts to sit sometimes. 11 days is nothing. I need to snap out of it. I almost look normal, so I want to feel normal. Patience is not my strongest quality. It might not even be a quality I have.
Here's pic from today of FrankenBelly. It looks so gross.
It's so scabby and itchy and it actually is very uncomfortable. Hopefully my wound care nurse can pop them out tomorrow. They are now to the point where it hurts because my body wants them gone. Ewwww.. and I'm totally a scab picker so you have no idea what kind of will power it is taking for me not to go after this thing. A lot. Tons. It's ridiculous how bad I want to pick at it.
So, I'm plugging away. There's a ton of stuff I want to do to this house that I haven't been able to because I've been sick for 100 years. Slowly putting my ideas to work so right now that is keeping me motivated. All my ideas cost money though, of which I am officially running out of all the cash I had stashed away. Looking at my bank account brings back the thoughts of now what and wondering what the hell I'm good at and where to go from here. So, I'll stop thinking about it for now. It gets me really upset. How am I 35 and feel so lost out of nowhere? Ok- I'm done.
New entryway wall unit soon, new paint for the downstairs bathroom and I plan on painting our island in the kitchen to change things up a bit. Fun stuff. I'll start buying the Lotto tickets anytime. I think Lotto winner sounds like a perfectly acceptable career!
Have a great day everyone.
XO
I just wanted an easy transition. Not getting it. The surgical pain has been nothing. The intestinal pain on the other hand has been intense. The majority of my small bowel wasn't used for months. Now, it is not happy to be put back to work. I am in pain. I can not describe the internal/maybe rectal? pain that occurs when something starts moving into that area. It paralyzes me for a few moments. So intense I feel like I may have an accident. Then is passes like it never happened. I can only assume that feeling is waste entering the newly formed pouch. I am still trying to figure out how things feel. Having to go #2 feels completely different now that I'm using different body parts to do it. So, trying to discern what is just intestinal pain vs the urge to go has been a challenge this last week. I end up hanging out in the shitter because I don't know if I'm in pain, or if I have to go. So obnoxious.
For those who are unfamiliar with the Jpouch, here's an image of what my insides basically look like now after all the surgeries are done.
I have to keep reminding myself that it generally takes up to a year for the Jpouch and system to adapt and become somewhat normal. I'm only 11 days post OP. Everything is a very slow adjustment process. My small intestine needs to start absorbing more water so my 'output' is more solid. Yeah, there's a nice visual. HOT!!
I'm completely out of my mind thinking I should be able to pick up my crazy life and run with it. It hurts to sit sometimes. 11 days is nothing. I need to snap out of it. I almost look normal, so I want to feel normal. Patience is not my strongest quality. It might not even be a quality I have.
Here's pic from today of FrankenBelly. It looks so gross.
It's so scabby and itchy and it actually is very uncomfortable. Hopefully my wound care nurse can pop them out tomorrow. They are now to the point where it hurts because my body wants them gone. Ewwww.. and I'm totally a scab picker so you have no idea what kind of will power it is taking for me not to go after this thing. A lot. Tons. It's ridiculous how bad I want to pick at it.
So, I'm plugging away. There's a ton of stuff I want to do to this house that I haven't been able to because I've been sick for 100 years. Slowly putting my ideas to work so right now that is keeping me motivated. All my ideas cost money though, of which I am officially running out of all the cash I had stashed away. Looking at my bank account brings back the thoughts of now what and wondering what the hell I'm good at and where to go from here. So, I'll stop thinking about it for now. It gets me really upset. How am I 35 and feel so lost out of nowhere? Ok- I'm done.
New entryway wall unit soon, new paint for the downstairs bathroom and I plan on painting our island in the kitchen to change things up a bit. Fun stuff. I'll start buying the Lotto tickets anytime. I think Lotto winner sounds like a perfectly acceptable career!
Have a great day everyone.
XO
Hello
ReplyDeleteHow interesting to find your blog. I am contemplating j pouch construction.
I'm in the UK
Hope you enjoy.. remember to follow it to get new post updates!
DeleteLet me know if you have any questions. I have no regrets. Wish I had done it in 2010 when they wanted to!!
ReplyDeleteI love your blog Lisa, and have been following your story since I was so young when I went through it. I've almost forgotten all the little things. I was 8 when I went through it, and I am 30 now.
ReplyDeleteOne little thing I will let you in on, from a veteran of the J pouch club. Although doctors may "want" the small bowel to adapt and absorb liquid like the lg intestine. But they are wrong. I have even had 2 GI doctors tell me so within the last 5 years as well as my own trials. No matter how much I have tried (and I have tried EVERYTHING under the sun) I have never gone close to normal. Your small bowel is just that, it is not meant to absorb liquid. There will be always to some degree be liquid. The only thing which has been helping keep me from the the lovely small room, is a prescription lomitol. I've had 22 years to finally figure it out after making myself sick, missing sooooo much school, work, and life. But all in all, it's not horrible. I was so sick as a kid, it was either surgery or possible death (in my case).
If you have questions, comments or just need to talk, I'm here.
-Rebecca
Yes Bec, I became well acquainted with Lomotil after the colectomy when I still had my ostomy. When I wasn't taking it I was losing so much fluid I was dizzy, seeing spots and almost blacking out multiple times a day. Scary. I have it on stand by but my surgeon doesn't want me to start it again unless I start needing to use the bathroom 9 or 10 times a day. I'm at about 4-6 depending on what and how much I eat so I can't complain too much about that. That you for reading. Click the link to follow and you will get an email when I update!! XOXO
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