Thursday, October 11, 2012

1 week down.... Now what?

Well, well... Here we are. So much was leading up to this. Anticipation, fear, excitement, anxiety... it was all rather anticlimactic in the end. Truly. I am so happy I have gone through it all, but I guess to put it simply, pooping again is just really nothing to jump for joy about! ;-) I am neither overly excited or relieved. Life just is... in a small way it is like I just got back on the highway after being on a really shitty rural detour for a few years. I guess I was expecting some mental fanfare or elation. Nothing. Woke up, stoma gone. Ok. Moving on.

Discharge day!!! ------->> Time to carry on....


I am one week post OP from my ileostomy reversal. It was a piece of cake. Honestly. After the pain and recovery from the colectomy, this was a breeze. The hardest part this past week was not eating for over 4 days in the hospital and the migraines and nausea it caused. Throwing up with nothing but a popsicle in your body in 4 days hurts. Bad. And all that abdominal contracting from throwing up made my incision and former stoma site hurt more than ever. I don't know how many of you have gone multiple days without eating or drinking but it is horrible. I've done it multiple times now. I ate Tuesday afternoon and got a popsicle on Friday evening. Not even ice chips in between. Torture. Then, I didn't eat actual food of substance (mashed potatoes, chicken noodle soup- the dreaded Low Res Diet) until Sunday. Seriously having GI issues and surgery is the worst for that stuff. They starve you. You go nuts. Luckily, those IV fluids kept me alive!!
Aside from that (NBD), the hospital stay was easy. The floor was quiet, I didn't have any nurse drama and didn't have to report anyone for not giving me my pain meds! SUCCESS!!!! I have 6 staples in my FrankenBelly. They are already itching like MAD!!! The pain has been tolerable. They gave me 10mg Norco and said to take 2 every 4-6 hours but I would be drooling on myself. I'm taking 5 every few hours and it is completely enough. I do have some soreness (not pain) doing that but I'd rather be functional and a little sore. I've had worse so I'll live. Here's some of me the night of surgery. ------>

 Obviously I'm drugged and happy?? Ok... guess I was feeling ok. Happy to be a JPoucher!
By this time, I am way puffy from fluid. Obviously zonked and may be in pain by the telltale canyons between my eyes that are screaming for botox. The oxygen is a good look.


Here's the incision the day after surgery. I laughed when I saw it.

Me, tired the day after ------->>>

As of today I have had some half-caff coffee, some pepsi, iced tea, mashed potatoes and gravy about 6 times, cooked ground turkey once, cooked carrots once, some french fries once, eggs twice, pancakes twice, bread, ice cream once, and a chicken sandwich once. That's been it in a week. I'll spice it up and maybe have macaroni tonight. ;-)
It will be so good that my health issues will no longer be a burden on my family. I'm out of commission and the entire house is crazy. Dillan is not good when I'm in the hospital. Mat stresses doing it all, while trying to work at home. Even during recovery now, I can't lift more than 10lbs so that obviously rules out the munchkin. Well, Mat has commitments that he can't bring a toddler to, and we have to debate leaving her here and what are the chances I'll have to carry her. And NATURALLY her separation anxiety has kicked in full force. She wants to be carried constantly. Nice timing, kid.... Nice.

So now what? That's been my question to myself. Now what. yes, I definitely have some recovering to do still, and adjusting to my brand new digestive system, but if this is as bad as it's going to be then I'm good. So now what? Sick has kinda been my thing. I never defined myself with it, or felt like that was what I was, but it ran my life whether I liked it or now. Now what? Who am I now? I need to get back to work. To get my greater sense of independence back. But what do I do? Go back to doing the unfulfilling thing I did for years just because? Should I have gone through all this just to go back and get another job? I don't wanna(said in whiny 2 year old speak). I still have that mindset of needing to find my direction. Retail companies are not it. It's thankless, and pointless, aside from getting really great product pretty cheap. Not to mention the schedule many times in not conducive to me happily being with my family. It's like I can't go back. Between being sick and getting royally screwed over by the last company who I bent over backwards for, I can't go back. So now what? I don't know. I'm going to take another class this spring and see how it goes. The science I've taken thus far has kicked my ass and I know how competitive the programs are. I just don't know if my life will allow me the time to be an A biology student. I don't want to set myself up for failure. So we'll see. Time away from my kids has to be worthwhile, fulfilling and productive. Being sick definitely taught me not to sit around and let days go by not living life. At the same time, I don't want to be in denial about what is possible and what I'm capable of. I'm a realist like that.
I don't know. I feel a kind of let down. A little lost. Experiences and time change you and you can't fit yourself back into the mold of your former self. I tend to think that's a good thing, but in some instances it can be frustrating. What would have once worked for me, doesn't now. It is almost a last resort to what clearly is a different expectation.
Now what? I'll let you know when I figure it out. In the meantime I'll be updating you on my recovery! I may venture out for a drive on my own today. We'll see.
Thanks for reading. XO

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