Boo Hoo- poor me.

The last few days have sucked. My humor and positive attitude have disappeared. I'm crabby. I last posted on Monday and was still ok. Tuesday I went and got my staples out at my surgeons. What a nightmare. He pulled the bag's adhesive off and exposed all the staples. Three of them looked absolutely horrible and two had pus coming out of them. My actual incision was great... the holes made by the staples turned into the problem. Wonderful. The skin around my stoma got worse and was so raw it was bleeding. Touching a wet towel to it brought tears. So as of Tuesday, we had possible infected staple sites, and a growing problem with the skin irritation around the stoma. How does the skin get irritated around the stoma, you may ask? Well, your colon absorbs the stomach acid from your waste. I bet your didn't know that! Well, My 'waste' is exiting from the small intestines, which if you know anything about anatomy, comes after the stomach and before the colon(if I had one). So the 'waste' is extremely acidic and it doesn't know the difference between a steak and my skin. If my bag isn't fitting properly and the wax ring that binds to the skin has been opened too much, then the 'waste' will spill on to the skin as it leaves the stoma and literally it will start getting broken down by the stomach acid in the 'waste'. Sounds like a ball of fun doesn't it. Yeah- it stings like the worst sunburn you ever got on spring break and the next day when that drunk guy slapped you on it. Yeah- except it stings CONSTANTLY. So I'm crabby. Boo.
Oh- but I'm not done sobbing about Tuesday. So, the bag came off so he could examine me. Said I need antibiotics in case it's an infection (he'd have to open me up to be 100%. No thanks!). Staples out. I had 30 staples in my abdomen. My FrankenBelly now looks like I have railroad tracks coming out of my underwear on a course set for my belly button. Hot stuff. I know.
So, after all that was done, I put a new bag on(without a mirror) and headed home.
I'm sick of not eating. I'm sick of being lightheaded. I'm sick of sleeping uncomfortably. I'm sick of swallowing horse pills. I get full from a piece of bread with peanut butter(protein promotes healing). Waaaahhhh- I know- suck it up, Lisa. It could be worse. Well, everything is relative.
I was happily awaiting Wednesday because my home nurse was coming with a stoma nurse so I was happy to have that wealth of knowledge heading my way.
Both nurses came, and I got yet a new bag. The one I put on at the surgeons started leaking about an hour before they were due to come. Good times.
 So in 24 hours my sore, swollen, staple wounded belly was getting tore at for the 2nd time. Holy crap...I was in tears. I now had new, open wounds from the staple sites. I have a feeling I will be kissing bikini wearing goodbye.
The nurses put a new type of bag on my to see if it would work a bit better. We got it on, everything seemed jolly good, and they left. About an hour later it started leaking. The one nurse came back around 630 to put a new one on. Yep, we peeled the third bag off, (let's keep in mind the adhesive on these bags are made to stick for 5 days), causing more waterworks and attempted to seal the wounds with Benzoin before putting the adhesive barrier on my skin. After getting the skin treated, we used my blowdryer to really mold the wax on the bag and get it molded tight against my skin.

This whole process is so hit and miss because the stoma size changes after surgery, your abdomen changes after surgery as inflammation lessens and everything settles. Needless to say, it's really frustrating.  Once the bag leaks under the adhesive, it's done. So, if you don't get a good seal you have the potential to run through the bags pretty quickly.
Luckily, we got the bag on good and tight. I still have it on and no issues two days later. My stoma has shrunk down to an inch so now I know not to even touch the wax ring. I'm hoping I can leave this bag on a few more days to give the wounds a few more healing days. I'm afraid to get it wet in the shower that it will somehow loosen up and cause more issues. Ugh.
Tuesday and Wednesday were painful and stressful days. Still better than being in pain all day, everyday, but painful just the same. I literally slept all day Thursday with a low grade fever.
I woke up around 10am and went back to bed until I think 4pm. Then went back to sleep until 8pm. It felt like I was drugged but yesterday was the first day I hadn't taken a pain killer in over 3 weeks so I don't know what my deal was. I had a heavy head, felt foggy. I couldn't even focus. I was miserable.
My nurse comes again today and I'm hoping this bag will stay on. I can't bear the thought of the pain of changing it right now. It's just been a crappy few days. The house is a mess, I can't lift or drive for weeks. Dillan is complaining already that she's not being entertained enough one week out of school. Everyone keeps asking me what we should do for dinner when I can barely eat. I need a haircut/color, and eyebrow wax. I have a million errands to run but can't. I get light headed and almost black out a million times a day. I'm done.
Ugh- sorry to be a downer. My head's not in a good place right now. I feel like this crap is never going to end. I'm never going to be 'normal' and never going to just be able to go live my life. I'm sick of seeing other people travel and do all the things I want and planned to do, but I can't. Hell, I didn't even plan the wedding I wanted because I couldn't take the chance and end up back in the hospital and lose money and cancel etc...
UC has been running my life for 3+ years and I'm tired of it.... I just want to live my life. Is it August yet?

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/12277951/?claim=75juqmu6hv7">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

The last few days have sucked. My humor and positive attitude have disappeared. I'm crabby. I last posted on Monday and was still ok. Tuesday I went and got my staples out at my surgeons. What a nightmare. He pulled the bag's adhesive off and exposed all the staples. Three of them looked absolutely horrible and two had pus coming out of them. My actual incision was great... the holes made by the staples turned into the problem. Wonderful. The skin around my stoma got worse and was so raw it was bleeding. Touching a wet towel to it brought tears. So as of Tuesday, we had possible infected staple sites, and a growing problem with the skin irritation around the stoma. How does the skin get irritated around the stoma, you may ask? Well, your colon absorbs the stomach acid from your waste. I bet your didn't know that! Well, My 'waste' is exiting from the small intestines, which if you know anything about anatomy, comes after the stomach and before the colon(if I had one). So the 'waste' is extremely acidic and it doesn't know the difference between a steak and my skin. If my bag isn't fitting properly and the wax ring that binds to the skin has been opened too much, then the 'waste' will spill on to the skin as it leaves the stoma and literally it will start getting broken down by the stomach acid in the 'waste'. Sounds like a ball of fun doesn't it. Yeah- it stings like the worst sunburn you ever got on spring break and the next day when that drunk guy slapped you on it. Yeah- except it stings CONSTANTLY. So I'm crabby. Boo.
Oh- but I'm not done sobbing about Tuesday. So, the bag came off so he could examine me. Said I need antibiotics in case it's an infection (he'd have to open me up to be 100%. No thanks!). Staples out. I had 30 staples in my abdomen. My FrankenBelly now looks like I have railroad tracks coming out of my underwear on a course set for my belly button. Hot stuff. I know.
So, after all that was done, I put a new bag on(without a mirror) and headed home.
I'm sick of not eating. I'm sick of being lightheaded. I'm sick of sleeping uncomfortably. I'm sick of swallowing horse pills. I get full from a piece of bread with peanut butter(protein promotes healing). Waaaahhhh- I know- suck it up, Lisa. It could be worse. Well, everything is relative.
I was happily awaiting Wednesday because my home nurse was coming with a stoma nurse so I was happy to have that wealth of knowledge heading my way.
Both nurses came, and I got yet a new bag. The one I put on at the surgeons started leaking about an hour before they were due to come. Good times.
 So in 24 hours my sore, swollen, staple wounded belly was getting tore at for the 2nd time. Holy crap...I was in tears. I now had new, open wounds from the staple sites. I have a feeling I will be kissing bikini wearing goodbye.
The nurses put a new type of bag on my to see if it would work a bit better. We got it on, everything seemed jolly good, and they left. About an hour later it started leaking. The one nurse came back around 630 to put a new one on. Yep, we peeled the third bag off, (let's keep in mind the adhesive on these bags are made to stick for 5 days), causing more waterworks and attempted to seal the wounds with Benzoin before putting the adhesive barrier on my skin. After getting the skin treated, we used my blowdryer to really mold the wax on the bag and get it molded tight against my skin.

This whole process is so hit and miss because the stoma size changes after surgery, your abdomen changes after surgery as inflammation lessens and everything settles. Needless to say, it's really frustrating.  Once the bag leaks under the adhesive, it's done. So, if you don't get a good seal you have the potential to run through the bags pretty quickly.
Luckily, we got the bag on good and tight. I still have it on and no issues two days later. My stoma has shrunk down to an inch so now I know not to even touch the wax ring. I'm hoping I can leave this bag on a few more days to give the wounds a few more healing days. I'm afraid to get it wet in the shower that it will somehow loosen up and cause more issues. Ugh.
Tuesday and Wednesday were painful and stressful days. Still better than being in pain all day, everyday, but painful just the same. I literally slept all day Thursday with a low grade fever.
I woke up around 10am and went back to bed until I think 4pm. Then went back to sleep until 8pm. It felt like I was drugged but yesterday was the first day I hadn't taken a pain killer in over 3 weeks so I don't know what my deal was. I had a heavy head, felt foggy. I couldn't even focus. I was miserable.
My nurse comes again today and I'm hoping this bag will stay on. I can't bear the thought of the pain of changing it right now. It's just been a crappy few days. The house is a mess, I can't lift or drive for weeks. Dillan is complaining already that she's not being entertained enough one week out of school. Everyone keeps asking me what we should do for dinner when I can barely eat. I need a haircut/color, and eyebrow wax. I have a million errands to run but can't. I get light headed and almost black out a million times a day. I'm done.
Ugh- sorry to be a downer. My head's not in a good place right now. I feel like this crap is never going to end. I'm never going to be 'normal' and never going to just be able to go live my life. I'm sick of seeing other people travel and do all the things I want and planned to do, but I can't. Hell, I didn't even plan the wedding I wanted because I couldn't take the chance and end up back in the hospital and lose money and cancel etc...
UC has been running my life for 3+ years and I'm tired of it.... I just want to live my life. Is it August yet?

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/12277951/?claim=75juqmu6hv7">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>